Protege

2 1st J A N U A R Y 2017

I knew it. I don't know how, but I just knew it. Cancer.

Glioblastoma (grade 4 brain tumour) The average survival time is 12-18 months - only 20% of glioblastoma patients survive more than one year, and only 3% of patients survive more than three years. 

I didn't suspect a brain tumour though. Sixteen and already practically dead.A dead girl walking at 16. I have no idea what James will say when he finds out, that his friend is probably going to die before she's even lived her life... because that is so normal Addison! Just blurt it out to the whole god damn world like you don't care: "IM GONNA DIE SOON!" Yeah right. For someone who keeps telling herself always look for the positive road in life your certainly heading for the negative one.

L A T E R

"Surgery" James said to me smiling at his phone. I was still miserable you become 16 and your a dead girl walking. It took me a while to grasp what he was saying.

"With standard treatment, median survival for adults with an anaplastic astrocytoma is about two to three years. For adults with more aggressive glioblastoma, treated with concurrent temozolamide and radiation therapy, median survival is about 14.6 months and two-year survival is 30%."

"So I'm supposed to get standard surgery and die. Seriously?" I was unimpressed.

But as usual James is right. I could get surgery. But not the standard kinda not the standard kind that NHS gives for free. He was talking about expensive surgery in america, a guaranteed escape route.

"I'm making you a promise right now Addison Calendar you will not die...at least until we can afford this surgery."

"Ok Genie of the lamp, what do we do with the little time I've got left huh?"

It's not as if I'm going to finish school, complete GCSEs then go to college and live the rest of my life.

"Make a list."

"Seriously? Wow.." I clap my hands sarcastically

"Seriously. Put 16 things you want to do before...that tumour..."

"Kills me..." I finish taking a breath and nod; "ok list it is meet me in The Tree House tomorrow, I'll have the list"

The Tree House, is where I first met James. He works the afternoon shift there. It's a café, it serves coffee for decent prices instead of Costa and Starbucks prices. I reckon it's only called Costa because it cost-a lot? Ok bad joke.

L A T E R

I spend about half my evening and planning out the list. It's ridiculous all I have so far is get surgery to save my life and ride a Vespa. At least I am aloud to drive with a learners license.

I give up and fetch my headphones from a shelf and force them over my ears and plug them into my phone. I scroll to Spotify and select my playlist as soon as it streams through my head I close my eyes and listen quietly almost at peace with myself. The music flows through my body like a waterfall, perfectly.

I start humming. Then whispering until I'm singing almost as if I can't help it as if I have some kind of button that I can't control. But in a way it's a way I can be free. It's like my voice is my liberation from a harsh reality.