Guess what i would rather spend my time and to be specific my nights here rather than completing my tutor which i have tomorrow. Rest in peace myself. Not so much update tonight. I just want to share things that i have gone through this week and before that i would love to tell about the previous me first so that you will understand more.
Ok this was me before. An ambitious girl. I want to pursue my degree in medic here in the current place where i study ( not going to tell you where in case you go and find me later hahahahhahah) my result for sem i is quite okay. I can say that because know what i pass the minimun requirement pointer for medical students. I was so happy back then. But now.... my dream which is my only dreamed career will only be visible in my dreams. I myself had screwed my one and only chance this whole week. I can't believe i was that stupid answering my mid term test. What sadden me the most is that: THEY WILL USE THIS MID TERM MARK FOR LONG LIST TO THOSE WHO ARE ELIGIBLE TO PURSUE MEDICAL SCHOOL. Rest in peace dear myself.
Know what. I cried after the biology paper * what a shame* i am not suppose to feel sad because i deserve to be stupid. I think my neurons are getting smaller and smaller day by day . I also realised that i experience a memories lost this past few weeks. Can i conclude that i have lost my brain?
My plans for this weekend: go find and plan new plans for my future. I obviously will not be selected in the field that i have been longing for * cry internally*
But i still have a hope to be selected though. Please pray for my future. Wanted to slap myself but i am too in love with myself that i cannot hurt me.
No more high standard dreams to treat people and save the world. I am no longer a superwoman. Should i get married? Perhaps next year. I have die but not yet dead. My soul had gone somewhere together with my dreams..... i don't know what will i be and i am so afraid to end my life at the road or bus stations. My dad is not going to take care of me till the day i day. Ha told me before that he wants me to move out from the house once i have completed my study. That is what frightens me the most.
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Innermost Thoughts
RandomFeel free to read this if you are feeling down and your world is tearing apart. Nothing is going to change so why dont we just live the fucking life.