Innermost Thoughts

not so ambitious

Guess what i would rather spend my time and to be specific my nights here rather than completing my tutor which i have tomorrow. Rest in peace myself. Not so much update tonight. I just want to share things that i have gone through this week and before that i would love to tell about the previous me first so that you will understand more.

Ok this was me before. An ambitious girl. I want to pursue my degree in medic here in the current place where i study ( not going to tell you where in case you go and find me later hahahahhahah) my result for sem i is quite okay. I can say that because know what i pass the minimun requirement pointer for medical students. I was so happy back then. But now.... my dream which is my only dreamed career will only be visible in my dreams. I myself had screwed my one and only chance this whole week. I can't believe i was that stupid answering my mid term test. What sadden me the most is that: THEY WILL USE THIS MID TERM MARK FOR LONG LIST TO THOSE WHO ARE ELIGIBLE TO PURSUE MEDICAL SCHOOL. Rest in peace dear myself.

Know what. I cried after the biology paper * what a shame* i am not suppose to feel sad because i deserve to be stupid. I think my neurons are getting smaller and smaller day by day . I also realised that i experience a memories lost this past few weeks. Can i conclude that i have lost my brain?

My plans for this weekend: go find and plan new plans for my future. I obviously will not be selected in the field that i have been longing for * cry internally*

But i still have a hope to be selected though. Please pray for my future. Wanted to slap myself but i am too in love with myself that i cannot hurt me.

No more high standard dreams to treat people and save the world. I am no longer a superwoman. Should i get married? Perhaps next year. I have die but not yet dead. My soul had gone somewhere together with my dreams..... i don't know what will i be and i am so afraid to end my life at the road or bus stations. My dad is not going to take care of me till the day i day. Ha told me before that he wants me to move out from the house once i have completed my study. That is what frightens me the most.