A\N. I know how depressing I can get so I will now and then be adding humorous pictures to lighten up the mood *shrugs* . Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter... it's been a while.
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The pain inside of me burns like wild fire.
Piercing through the flesh of my tattered heart, boiling it's pumping blood, reaching it's depth and tearing my soul apart, leaving nothing but ash for the wind to carry and be scattered all over the earths surface. I feel empty.
Corps, the strong stench of death clings to my skin. Decay, every night and day I watch at all my hopes and dreams rot and my heart feels as if it's beat slows at the sight. Death's scent is caught in every wind, mocking my nostrils and tormenting my eyes.
I am lifelessly staring at the ground, lost in my tormenting thoughts, not noticing the café clearing of people.
I feel a light tap on my shoulder, looking up I am met by Sabrina's humble smile telling me that her shift is over; full pink lips, pearly whites, smooth dark beautiful skin, light green eyes and black thick curls cascading over her shoulders. She defines beauty.
I stand up from the seat I've been sitting in for hours on end and bid my goodbyes to Carmine, a middle aged women and her son Cameron.
"You two better get home safely, you know how dangerous the streets are at this time of night especially for two young beautiful girls such as yourselves." Carmine states pointedly.
"Alright Carmine, we'll be on our way now stay safe. Goodnight." Sabrina states back with a smile etched on her face.
We exit the small café and start heading towards Sabrina's small blue beetle.
It has been like this for 2 years now, our routine; we wake up early in the morning to get our day started, Sabrina leaves at 6am to go to the café while I stay a while and clean the apartment she allows me to stay in, without paying any rent, and then head out. I sometimes go to the library to read some books when I feel like being on my own or I just head out with Sabrina so I don't have to catch a cab to go to Carmine's Café and wait for her shift to be over.
After pulling out of the drive way we head out back to the apartment. Our drive there is silent, every now and then she passes a glance my way, all this time I just keep my gaze out the window just staring not even noticing the passing cars.
After a full 20 minutes, we pull up in the parking lot and head to her apartment. I get into the apartment and head straight for the bathroom closing the door once inside. I start brushing my teeth, after rinsing my mouth I stare at my reflection in the mirror.
My jet black hair has been cut right above my shoulders, making it fall down in wavy curls, pale skin and hazel orbs, void of any emotion, stare back at me, my once full red lips now look chapped full of cracks dry enough to prick through skin...
For two years I've watched myself grow paler, my glow leaving my skin, healthy cheeks now gone leaving sharp cheekbones. The girl who used to care about everything and everyone couldn't care less weather she died or not, the once vibrant and active 18 year old with a purpose and a life was gone, her replacement; a sad 20 year old who hasn't shown any emotion for a year and seven months, she refuses to cry anymore or feel sorry for herself, she stopped smiling and swore never to care or love anything ever again, life taught her a lesson that crushed her spirit and killed her soul.
I stared at myself for a full twenty minutes before hopping into the shower, I stood under the running hot water hoping that my thoughts would all flow along with the water into the drain and leave once and for all. After thirty minutes I started scrubbing myself viciously trying to wash the pain away, the memory that cannot stop it's replay in my mind.
I scrubbed hard and rough trying to get their blood off of my skin, I closed my eyes with the need to erase the memory of their lifeless eyes staring at me, the feel of their cold hands, the heat of the blazing fire, the mud underneath my feet. It's all just too much.
She should have saved them instead of me.
I got out of the shower and wore my sleeping attire, without so much as a glance to the mirror, I walked out of the steamy bathroom and straight to the room I currently occupy only to find Sabrina sitting on the bed, their half burnt picture in her hand.
"They loved you" she says this without even looking away from the tattered photograph. I don't reply.
"They would hate to see you like this." She presses on.
"Well it's a good thing they can't." I reply stiffly in an emotionless tone.
"They... you need to start living again Victoria." She lifts her gaze to meet mine.
"I can't live if they are not alive. I can't."
"They would want you to smile again, be happy and bring th-"
"You don't know what the would have wanted, you didn't know them, you, you left them and chose to save me. Me!" I was getting angry now, she stayed quiet.
"They were great people, the best and you and I both let them die and not only that but we let their bodies burn in that house and fled afterwards, we could have given them a proper burial, that's the least they deserved but instead you chose to save me, someone worth nothing and leave their bodies to burn to ashes." I continued
She got up from the bed and took one step towards me. "Victoria, I did the one thing that a normal person would have done, I saved you from the fire, they were long gone Victoria dead! And I couldn't just watch you cry when the fire was quickly growing stronger... they were stabbed to death, they died on the spot there was absolutely no chance in saving them, I saved you from him, he was going to kill you."
"Maybe you should have let him. You shouldn't have saved me."
She started walking out after I said that, when she reached the door she said over her shoulder; "Well maybe I shouldn't have saved you, but I couldn't watch that happen that happen, I couldn't watch a life worth living being taken away knowing I could do something about it."
You should have left me.
She gave me one last look, "You're welcome." After those words she left closing the door quietly behind her.
I didn't ask for this.
This life was made for a heart way stronger... someone who isn't weak, someone not as faint hearted.
Broken.
Someone who isn't Me.
