you shivered at the slightest bit of cold that latched onto your bare skin. tears wouldn't stop streaming down as trails of foul words were being thrown at you. your bags were then brought down and you did nothing but stare at what you knew was your whole life falling apart.
your brother took too long to send enough money to pay the rent that was overdue for so long. he was recently fired from his job in italy and is now looking for a new one. his money wasn't enough to support you for the past months and you had to talk your way through to excuse yourself from paying. the owner of the building was finally ready to get rid of you just as soon as he got tired of your excuses. begging him did not work anymore, let alone apologizing. and now here you were, stuck in the cold weather in front of the building you once lived in, wearing a simple shirt with shorts, bare face covered in tears that were now dried up due to the cold wind.
you hugged your body, your legs unable to help you up straight as you helplessly cried in your arms, not knowing where you were going to end up in the future.
as you watched your life tearing apart, you realized that it had never been fair to you. you had to deal with so much pain ever since you were still a child. a child that was supposed to be naive and carefree, but you were a child that was the total opposite. a series of negative events came after one another when you were supposed to be in that stage of life to unconsciously feel blissful, like as if the problems you face should not matter to you because you were too young to deal with any of them.
but life simply wanted you to be miserable. dealing with the death of your parents was the hardest thing you had to endure. which only led your brother to work his whole life abroad just for the two of you to earn a living. luckily for you, you had a sibling to lean on, but he couldn't be there for you all the time. he had to work and you had to deal with your trauma by yourself.
ever since then, your genuine smile never appeared on your face. not when your parents took it off and brought it with them. not when you were bullied for being less fortunate. not when your ex-boyfriend left you for someone you knew was so much more worthy to be loved. not when the only place you called home was taken away from you, simply because life never wanted to be fair to you.
your heart felt heavy, too heavy to feel mad at everything that was poured on to you ever since. you feel absolutely worthless and you drew yourself to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe ending your life here would be the only way out.
depression had been a friend of yours for so long and had it not been for your brother, you would've probably ended your life way back. voices continued to creep and crawl on your skin telling you that your life was never made for you and that you deserve to die for your brother to feel free from the burden that is you. you knew you weren't thinking right but since when were you at the right state of mind? as a child something in you grew along the way, it felt heavier as time passed by especially after so much unfortunate episodes.
ever since then, you viewed the world differently. while others viewed everything with love and compassion, appreciating the wonders of nature, from how the sun rises and flowers bloom, they seem to find peace when they need it the most. but somehow for you, everything you see is viewed negatively. because of your experiences, the negativity that lingered on your thoughts made you believe that they were the truth. that every flower and leaf that grows beautifully will soon wilt and die. that the sun will one day be the cause of so many deaths due to its deadly rays. that every beautiful thing people admire will all eventually die in the near future. that peace will never be a part of your dictionary.
the wonders people tell you about dreams and aspirations seemed very alien to you. the only dreams you had were the nightmares that you went through every night. and dreams were nothing but unrealistic goals you will never see yourself achieving.
