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A sweet, sexy piece of sweat dropped down the side of Zahide's face, shining in the late afternoon sun. The weather was perfect; birds were chirping, and grandmas were walking by on their canes. They slowly flew, up and away, going south for the winter, to those warm, knitted sweaters. Kids were buying popcorn and it looked like a great day for the festivities.
Then the sky turned black. The grandmas fell, pink clouds covered the skies. The generators picked up power. They were in The Matrix. The neon lights above cast a shadow of puke green and purple across the crowd. The stadium was filled with everybody, including: the mayor, an old Irish man, and Jack. Jack screamed. The crowd followed suit; the mayor went deaf. Jack stood up and waved, as he was definitely the most important person in the audience. "Ladies and gentle-mandarins-welcome!", Jack announced. "I am so honored (the mayor ran away at this point scared by the flashing lights) to be your host!!" Jack then left, bored, and gave up being the host. A local mango, dressed in "Hawaiian" tourist clothing, took over. A man, about 10'1" threw it onto the podium. The mango fell down. The crowd roared and immediately stopped.
The old Irish man said into the silence, "Let the games begin!" He stood proudly during the light applause that followed, glancing up at the blimp above, which had a picture of his newly departed grandmother. He shed a single tear, who desperately wanted to be romantic with someone before it too got too old.
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Zahide, the star player, lept into the sky. She twirled and started to glow. Doing a "kawaii" pose, she changed into a magical girl trope. With bright green eyes, a purple tracksuit, her self-dyed hair with green tips, and a paper-mache wand, she was ready. Opening up her broken leg, it revealed a magnitude of faux furs, safely tucked inside. She pulled one out, turned it inside-out, and put it on. In doing so, her entire team, as well as the opposing, fainted from such luxury. The only two left were Zahide and That 1 Dude.
That 1 Dude timidly took a step forward. Zahide lost 1,000 points. The fans were on the edge of their seats. It was now or never. Zahide raised her hand and a ball of huge proportions fell from the sky. Time froze. The only one who could move was the mango, but it was still choosing to lie motionless on its side. The blimp passing overhead crashed into the space time continuum, unfreezing time and arousing the crowd, making it boo. "Boo!", said one fan, a ghost of a fan.
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Zahide noticed That 1 Dude moving for the "testing" ball (testing here is a play-on-words of testi, the more you know), and slapped him silly. Shocked, he could only stand by while Zahide did a "360Life", and punched that puppy with her free hand. After the puppy was touched violently, she served the ball. It flew up into space and teleported back down. It flew left and right, pausing to get some stadium food. It made its way to That 1 Dude. He stood and looked at it, pleading, "Baby, baby...........plwease, owo."
The ball hit him, annoyed by how short he was. Then it hit him again. And next it missed. It missed again and then it missed. It was about to hit him when it missed. Then, the ball gave Zahide the mango. The crowd waited on bated breath as Zahide consumed the mango alive; its blood a sweet juice. She drank it, unquenched, and fed the rest to the puppy.
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She was crowned "Miss Yee", while That 1 Dude lay on the ground, in the fetal position, while the old Irish man was giving him a Swedish massage. Zahide forgot however, that the mango was still on the ground, and as she took a step forward to receive all the praise, applause, and the promise of V as her new husband, she slipped on the mango peel. As she fell, her whole life flashed before her eyes: was she only a figment of Sofia's imagination in this fantasy?
"Owww, the fuck?"
She woke up. She had bumped her head on the side of her bedpost. SHE BEEN PRANKED BOOYAH!
This is dedicated to my best mango, Zahide. (Hejehehehehehehehehehegufaaaahagahahah)
