When Divorce Or Separation Makes Sense

Marriage between a man and a woman is intended by God as a lifelong union. But separation or divorce in Christian marriages is a reality.

Census data from India reveals a total of 130,000 Christians who remain either separated or divorced. 6.5 males and 11.9 females out of 1000 married persons are separated, while 2.8 Christian males and 4.7 Christian females out of 1000 married persons are divorced.1

American Psychological Association confirms divorce in 40-50% of married couples in the USA.2 Pew Research Center reported divorce and separation in 74% Christians in the USA.3 These are shocking statistics. If these numbers are factual, then, sadly, Satan is having a field day, ravaging Christian homes. The collateral damage is likely to be severe in these homes.

God's intent for marriage is well expressed in these four points:

· "God created marriage as a loyal partnership between one man and one woman.· Marriage is the firmest foundation for building a family.· God designed sexual expression to help married couples build intimacy.· Marriage mirrors God's covenant relationship with His people."4

When Christian Marriages Don't Make Sense

First and foremost, marriages ought to please, honor and glorify God. Unfortunately, many a marriage gratifies man, but not God.

Quite a few Christian marriages are a sham. These are marriages that are apparently genuine in the eyes of man, but divorced or separated in the eyes of God.

There are instances of the husband and wife living in separate rooms within the same home but not talking to each other, for years. Although in public they would act as if all is well in their marriage. The husband and wife would playact so to not expose their utter disdain for each other in public.

Then there are marriages where either the husband or the wife would remain perennially silent about their partner's abuse or infidelity. Love and trust for each other would have ceased to exist in this marriage. But they remain silent so to protect their children or their family's reputation. They live in the same home and they perform their routine chores. Aside from this, their marriage is dead.

When Divorce Or Separation Makes Sense

God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Hence, undoubtedly, a strong argument against divorce or separation can be presented from the Bible (cf. Matthew 19:6).

Nevertheless, there is a need to recognize that divorce or separation is, in certain instances, necessary in Christian marriages. Divorce or separation is necessitated because of adultery and unbelief (in God) in Christian marriages (Matthew 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:15).

Adultery and unbelief notwithstanding, there are other valid reasons for divorce and separation. The Bible may not have stated these reasons as warrants for divorce or separation, but there are adequate guidelines validating divorce or separation.

If life or sanity of either the husband or the wife (or even that of the children) is in danger because of abuse and destructive behavior, then is it not worthwhile for the husband and the wife to separate? Should marriage be protected at the cost of sanity and human life? These are classic instances of abusing the spouse without repenting of the sin.

Relationships that are abusive and destructive or filled with betrayal or addiction, warrant divorce or separation if the abuser or the betrayer remains unrepentant of his/her sins. An article from Christianity Today states, "The Bible tells us what to do when there is sin in a relationship (see Matthew 18:15–17). First, we are to confront the person. If they don't listen, we should bring in a third party. If they still don't listen, we ought to ask for help from a church authority. If this doesn't bring about change, we are to separate from them..."5