Ivory Mist

chapter 2

"Please don't be angry Nikki." Her voice was low like she was talking to a wounded animal. 

"What do you mean?. He is white? You have completely lost your mind, Tracy Marie Jacobs. Why would you do this?" I was so confused. My own insecurities about how I looked were starting to surface.

"What is your problem, Nicole? So what he is white. I know you don't have an issue with race. If you did we wouldn't be friends seeing is how my father is white. So tell me what the issue is?" Her voice was full of concern.

How can I tell her about my insecurities? I mean black men will not even look at me because I'm not light-skinned or a pretty white girl, or a saucy Hispanic girl. If men from my own race won't find me attractive, why would a white man think I'm attractive. I stood there nervous, scared, and frustrated, and insecure about myself. I felt Tracy take my hand and pulled me to the couch.

"Hey, why are you looking like that? Talk to me Nikki," she said in a soft voice. I tried to meet her eyes but quickly looked away. I pulled my hand from her and sat both my hands in my lap, looking at them. With a small voice, I said

"What if I am not pretty enough?" As if I was talking in a foreign language, disbelief was shown on her face.

"Nicole, are you kidding me? You are so beautiful. How can you think you are not pretty enough for anybody?"

"Well, it's not like men are beating down my door for me to give them a chance."

"When are you going to learn that you are a beautiful, sexy, intelligent black woman?"

I could not understand what she was saying. Intelligent yes, beautiful and sexy, no. I never viewed myself as anything other than book smart. Pretty of any kind was not me. Good grades, awards from school. That was me. Never beautiful.  Seeing that I was lost in thought, Tracy placed her hand on my cheek and looked me in my eyes

"One day you are going to see all the good that I see in you bestie. Inside and out." she smiles and then turned on the theatrics, looking up to the ceiling, throwing her arms in the air, and yelled "I long for the day." making us both laugh. Suddenly the doorbell rang and Tracy jumped up clapping.

"They're here." she screeched.

Oh, Lord. Here we go. I rolled my eyes as Tracy went to the door. I stood up off the couch and pulled myself together. Can't have Bryan and his little friend thinking that I was some basket case. Tracy opened the door with a smile on her face, beaming with confidence. Oh, how I envied her. Bryan walked in and pulled Tracy into a warm hug. Wearing that same smile that he had 2 years ago on his face. I would love to knock that smug smile right off.

"Tracy you look, good baby," he said all seductively. Tracy did a quick twirl so Bryan could see her whole outfit.

"Thanks, Hun. Glad you like it" Tracy let out a girly giggle that only us women would understand.

"And it starts" I whispered to myself.

"Nikki what's up girl," Bryan said as he gave me a wink. Yuck! He had the nerve to wink at me.

"Bryan I hoped that I would never see you again," I said with a cold smile on my face. "Sadly, I am disappointed."

"Nicole" Tracy yelled as she gave me the "I will slap the crap out of you" look. I just shrugged and gave her the "I'm an angel" face. Bryan just laughed.

"It's ok babe. She is just protecting her friend. I mean I was a jerk to you when we first met." Oh, he is good.

"Finally he speaks the truth," I say loud enough for both of them to hear me. Tracy whipped her head around to say something to me but Bryan saved me from her rath by interrupting.

"Speaking of friends, I would like you to meet my homie, Dean," Bryan said raising his eyebrows suggestively. Ew. As if I would actually be interested in any of Bryan's friends. White or not.

He is probably one of those white boys that think he is black. Walking around with braids in his hair and gold teeth in his mouth. I tried not to laugh at an image of a person walking in my house fitting that description. Wouldn't that be funny? Then I would be able to throw this little set up in Tracy's face the next time she used me to take one for the team.

I was trying not to laugh and put on a straight face as Dean walked into the house. All sense of humor flowed right out of me and was replaced with everything that made a woman want a man. Oh my god. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him.

"Damn" I whispered under my breath. He is gorgeous. Beyond gorgeous. More like a Greek god.  I just stood there as the sexiest white man, let me rephrase that, the sexiest man I have ever seen just stroll into my house all nonchalantly.

"Dean, how are you." Tracy beamed as she hugged Dean.

"I'm great Tracy." he smiled at Tracy and then focused his attention on me.

I could not believe how unbelievably gorgeous this man was. He was tall about 6 feet or so. Tousled blond hung low on his forehead, giving him the fresh out of bed look. I didn't even know that I could find bed head sexy. His crystal blue eyes glistened as the sunlight shined brightly over his tan face. And his lips, oh his full sexy lips, a beautiful soft blush pink. I was just standing there, completely speechless as his eyes held mine. It was so easy for me to get lost in the sea of blue. So lost that I had not noticed that Tracy was talking to me.

"Nikki, this is Dean. Dean meet my roommate Nikki." Tracy started looking at me with a "what the hell is wrong with you" face. I looked from Tracy to Dean and finally realized that everyone was looking at me.

"Hi Dean" was all I could manage to get out of my mouth. What the hell was wrong with me? Hi Dean? REALLY. What was that Nicole? I began to yell at myself in my head.

My voice was so small, I am surprised I could hear my own response. What the hell was wrong with me? Great. The first really hot guy I get to spend time with, and I am a blubbering idiot. I might as well go and hide in my room for the rest of the night. Dean would probably think that I was socially awkward. Which I am when it comes to the opposite sex.

But this guy is not just some member of the opposite sex. He is in a league all his own. Dark blue jeans and a plain black shirt was all he needed. I was so busy chastising myself, that I hadn't noticed that Dean was walking towards me. I felt as if my heart was going to break through my rib cage. Butterflies began to twist and turn inside the pit of my stomach. God, please don't let me vomit on his nice Chuck Taylors! I don't believe I could show my face around him if I decided to puke all over him. OK. I need to calm down. He's just a guy, right? A normal, sexy, dripping with sinful sex, guy. I can do this. I tried to relax as he approached me.