(tw: past emotional trauma!! brief talk about yoongi's insecurity!! it's mentioned when yoongi says "there was this guy" pls skip it if u are uncomfortable and proceed to when hoseok showers him with love... take care of urselves)
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hoseok crosses that bridge when he and yoongi are sitting cosily on his hideous orange couch, and hoseok blurts out the words "i know you're sugarmin" in the middle of the 90s rom-com movie they're watching.
yoongi's body goes rigid beside him and doesn't reply at all. it's as if hoseok didn't speak in the first place.
hoseok's persistent, though. he really should've left it at that but he prods further. "yoongi," he calls but stops when he notices that yoongi's eyes are watery and his face is red. "yoongi—"
said boy shoots up from his seat, hands wiping at his eyes furiously. "don't fucking follow me," he says, voice brittle and runs out of hoseok's door. hoseok, the rulebreaker he is, runs after him but is only met by yoongi's door being slammed shut right to his face.
he stares at the yoongi's front door in silence. god, hoseok should really shut up sometimes. he didn't mean to fuck it up with yoongi, but he figures yoongi will be even more upset if hoseok kept it from him.
but if you kept your mouth shut, this wouldn't have happened, his mind supplies unhelpfully.
he turns the knob of yoongi's door to find it unlocked. he heaves a relieved sigh but does not enter. instead, he knocks on the door softly. "yoongi, talk to me."
"leave me alone!"
"yoongi, i'm sorry." he apologizes sincerely. "sorry for not telling you earlier. sorry for pretending i didn't know about you. sorry for everything. also, i'm sorry because i'm coming in, yoongi."
he turns the knob and the door creaks open. hoseok has never seen yoongi's place before. he turns on the lights and finds out that yoongi doesn't have that much décor, a minimalist, but that's the least of his priorities right now. he follows the sound of the sniffles until he is blocked by the white door of yoongi's bedroom.
"yoongi," hoseok coaxes with his most gentle voice. he hears an audible gasp from the other side. "yoongi, i'm opening the door in five. if you tell me to leave within those five seconds, i'll walk out, no questions asked."
hoseok doesn't hear disapproval. he doesn't hear any reply at all.
"five," hoseok starts. nothing.
"four." he hears some shuffling, but no voice telling him to fuck off.
"three, two..." hoseok is starting to think this is a bad idea, but he can't leave yoongi alone. he doesn't have the heart to. not when it's his fault yoongi is crying like that.
"one." hoseok takes a deep breath. "i'm coming in."
when hoseok opens the door to yoongi's bedroom, the first thing his senses register is the aroma of scented candles. lavender, his nose picks up. he briefly catches sight of the array of skincare products by yoongi's vanity mirror.
"yoongi, please," hoseok pleads. he pauses in his tracks when he hears a strangled sob.
...and there yoongi is, in the corner of the room, bundled up in a fleecy blanket. his knees are drawn tight to his chest, making him look smaller than he already is.
"oh, no." hoseok takes gentle steps to yoongi, careful not to overwhelm him. "yoongi, baby, please..."
hoseok's heart shatters in two when he sees yoongi's face crumple as harsh sobs tear their way out his throat. you made him cry like this, his mind reminds him. it's your fault, it's your fault, yourfaultyourfaultyourfault.
hoseok kneels beside the smaller boy who digs the heels of his palm to his eyes. he wraps an arm around yoongi and makes his head rest on his shoulder. he cards his fingers through the strands of yoongi's hair while his other arm is wrapped around yoongi's middle. hoseok holds him until his bawls turn into cries, then turn into merely sniffles, whispering, "i'm so sorry. so sorry, yoongi. it's gonna be okay. please forgive me, baby."
they stay like that for a while. yoongi trembles by hoseok's side.
"he—he..." yoongi says in between gasps. "there was this—this guy..."
hoseok squeezes yoongi's middle, a silent reassurance he's there, that he's listening.
"when we fucked, he fucked me on my back and—and with a hand clamped on my mouth." he continues. hoseok listens intently.
"guess fucking why," yoongi chuckles, but's it's not the chuckle hoseok wants to hear from him. this one's dark. strangled. pained.
"'cause... it's 'cause i only look pretty with my mouth shut. your voice sounds too manly, boy. can't imagine i'm fucking a tight pussy when you make those noises. told me i'm pretty only from the front. told me i should've told him about the stretch marks on my ass before we fucked so he could've called it off and find a prettier twink.
hoseok body goes rigid with pure anger. he clenches his jaw, trying to control himself. god help him, because once hoseok knows who the guy yoongi's talking about is, he's going to fuck him up spectacularly.
"sugarmin isn't me, hoseok," yoongi says, on the verge on tears again. "it's... not me. i—the pictures i post there... they're edited. i cancelled out my stretch marks and the pictures don't speak, so no one has to hear my voice. i made that account and posed like some cheap whore because i needed validation, fucking validation, 'cause i didn't think i was p-pretty enough!"
"yoongi—"
"but sugarmin isn't me, hoseok!" yoongi interjects, squeezing his eyes shut. tears roll down his cheeks again. "i'm—i'm sorry. i never wanted to disappoint you—"
hoseok cuts him off. "you can never disappoint me, yoongi. never." he cups yoongi's face with his hands, making the boy look directly at him. hoseok brushes the tears off his soft cheeks with his thumb. "so stop crying, okay? ...there's my pretty boy."
yoongi's eyes widen as if he can't believe those words came out of hoseok's mouth even when he's already told him he isn't the sugarmin hoseok wants.
"my precious, beautiful boy. my yoongi."
with every word that comes out of hoseok's mouth, yoongi could feel his tense body go lax, face and insides go warmer and warmer. his eyelids flutter shut, basking in all of the praises hoseok gives him.
"you," hoseok presses soft kisses on yoongi's eyelids. "you're so fucking dear to me, god."
that made yoongi mewl in response.
"fuck," hoseok curses, letting his forehead fall on yoongi's shoulder. "that sound you made, i can't believe. fuck, you're so hot, yoongi. my yoongi who makes the prettiest noises."
"now you're just over-exaggerating, seokie."
"no? i don't lie. and also, warn a guy, yoongi. calling me seokie... how cute can you get? i wasn't prepared!"
yoongi finally grins, two spots of color high on his cheeks. "seokie. hoseokie."
hoseok groans, throwing his hand across his face. "fuck. i think i may be a little in love."
"i may be a little in love with you too, seokie," yoongi declares. he clambers into hoseok's lap, and hoseok is suddenly aware of how close their faces are from each other. "i really like you, hoseok. now please, kiss me."
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aint it sad how this is the second to the last chapter...
