The Lotus Eaters

Part 2

The thing between Anita and Carl was like a house afire. She would go off with him and just disappear, and not say where she would be, and then came back much much later. When she came back she smelled different, like breath mints and soap, and she would be arguing with everyone. She was drinking a lot. And worse still. She had this look in her eyes.

"What do you do when you're with him!" I exclaimed one morning, as we were riding our bikes to the stables because no parent could be found to loan us a car.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"I would, as a matter of fact." So she told me. It was just as I'd thought. Anita knew all about the one great human secret and I still didn't.

"Well what is it like?"

"I don't know. I can't describe it."

"Well does it hurt?"

"No ... no ... nothing like that ... " She looked at me. "My God Gemela your eyes are as big as a toad's!"

"No they're not."

"Yes, they are."

I was embarrassed. "What if you get pregnant, what then?"

"Don't be a fool, we took precautions." I digested that in silence for a few seconds. Why did I feel so ill, almost as if my own honor had crumbled and not Anita's. Then, breaking into my thoughts, she said, "You're such a prude. It's the 80's you know." I looked over at her smiling as she pedaled along, humming a little tune. I stayed silent and thought, 'it's easy to be a libertine when you've got someone to be free with." As for me, I was all alone.

Soon it was fall and everyone at school was saying with a knowing look, "Wow, when Anita falls she falls hard." Carl had started college now. Chico was only two hours away and he would come home on the weekends. He was in the engineering school. Despite all outward appearances of being a party boy, he must be smart, I reflected.

Nevertheless it would have been a good idea for someone to try to stop Anita from seeing him, way back when it began in June of 1984, but her parents were busy watching Wimbledon on TV and then the summer Olympics came on and by the time Monday Night Football had started Anita had gone wild. She still called me sometimes when he wasn't around. But I didn't always call back. I was busy and I didn't really want to hear about their exploits. Besides, I had to ride at Flying Sails farm and I did more rides that year than any year before. Anita told Jane she just couldn't be there that much.

One of our teachers came and asked me if I knew why Anita's grades were falling, if I could talk to her.

If I could talk to her. What would I say? Stop drinking and give Carl the heave-ho, he's bad for you?

I actually tried.

"Why don't you come with us?" she asked. "We're going camping in the foothills this weekend."

So we all went camping. That was no good. I met those two friends of Carl's, Roy and Tim, the one who had a Mohawk. It was a cold night, it was October, and they put the beer in the creek and when I went down to get one, just so I could hold it and not get made fun of for not drinking, I slipped and put my foot in the water and my shoe got soaked. Then I was complaining I was cold and they all looked at me like "she's no fun," and I wasn't. They started a fire and everyone sat around it and talked and drank. I held my foot close to the fire until the shoe dried. They talked and laughed and I looked up at the yellow undersides of the oak leaves on the branches overhead. The fire crackled. Carl noticed I wasn't drinking my beer and so he drank it for me. It got late, and everyone laughing and talking and I fell asleep for more than an hour—I don't know how long – and then I woke up and now the fire had gone down and I was really cold. They had gone to bed and just left me there. There was a coat over me for some reason but it was still cold.

I went to get in my sleeping bag and Tim was in it.

"Get out!" I told him.

"Oh come on, I forgot to bring a bag, I'll freeze," he said.

"Better you than me," I told him, "it's mine, get!"

He just laughed, told me we could share.

"No, you get out!" I tried to pick up the foot of the bag to shake him out but he balled himself up and I couldn't get anywhere with that.

Maybe he was so zoned out he didn't understand. I went to get Anita to complain. She and Carl had a tent. So I stood outside calling her. The front unzipped, and he came out and said she was asleep.

"I need Tim out of my sleeping bag!" I demanded.

Carl went over but Tim was completely passed out. We both shook him. Tim mumbled something incoherent.

"He's out." Carl said.

"Well where am I supposed to sleep!" I demanded.

"I'll take you home," he said. "I'm not sure you should be out here anyway."

"You can't drive me. You're drunk."

He looked at me straight. "I'm not now. It's like two a.m." I looked up at the sky and it was true, the moon had passed over us and Orion, the hunter, had moved since I fell asleep. I could just see the Dog Star trailing near the northern horizon.

"Canis Major," I said absently.

"What?"

"The Big Dog. Up there."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's a constellation. You know what that is don't you?"

Carl gave me a look. He may or he may have not, he wasn't saying. Maybe he had no idea.

I got in the Mustang on the passenger side and he got in the driver's seat. "Why don't you like me Gemela?" he asked straight out just like that as he put his hands on the wheel.

I looked out the passenger window. "You drink too much."

"Besides that."

Oh come on, wasn't that enough? But I had more. "You took Anita from me. You don't seem to understand she needs someone to take care of her. I used to do that and you're not doing it right."

"What did you use to do?"

I drew a breath. "Remind her to do homework. Loan her clothes. Make cookie dough together."

He gave me a sideways glance. "Cookie dough?"

"You don't even know her," I told him.

He was watching the road. "I think I do."

"She's struggling, Carl. Her grades are down."

"I'll talk to her about it."

"You'll talk to her?" My voice sounded incredulous even to me.

"I'm not some kind of monster you know."

"I never said you were a monster."

Carl frowned and drove. His silence bothered me and bothered me. He drove pretty well but he sure did smell like beer. And I vowed I would never go anywhere with Carl again.