Phoenix Fire: From Witin the Flames

Autumn Leaves

 

Chapter 3

“Autumn Leaves...”

 

I peek through the window that is about a meter and a half from the ground in my room cell. The glass too thick to shatter with fists; I tried and broke three fingers. The pain was so unbearable I cried but my tears had healed the broken bones... I don’t even know how that is possible! Then again I shouldn’t be too surprised seeing as I can ‘light up’ like a living torch!

 

I watch the leaves as they fall, discarded and forgotten... just like me, I could relate to the leaves. I watch as they twirl and dance; trying so hard to be seen, to be notice that they do not see their fate. They lie now, on the black asphalt only to be trodden on by the guards that patrol the grounds.

 

I feel sorry for the little orange and yellowed leaves that are walked all over by the world, but also envy them. They do not care that they are ignored, they do not complain one bit. But they are gone, dead, just like everything else in this world. Just like my Jamie.

 

I press my palms and forehead against the cool surface of the glass, closing my eye trying to breath in the cool fragrance which was just on the other side of the glass. I slump back down onto my bed rag blanket and sigh, my breath was white, misty in the cold air of the concrete room.

 

16 cracks consoling the deep dark secrets of the 4 walls that close in on me, conceal me of the outside world; 1 thick metal door which only opens once a day for a toilet break and a shower; 1 window which is my only company. 1 imagination which drives me crazy...

 

There’s bang on my door and it slides open, I climb to my feet quickly and wait for a second, an alarm blares and the door begins to close. I hurry and slip through. Shower time.

 

ﯯ¯ð

 

I slipped back into my room after my cold shower, drying myself by heating the water on my flesh with my... power gift disease and fall asleep under the window in the loyal moon’s light. I dream of him the only other person who cared, the only other person who wanted to know me for who I was, not because of what I was a monster, I tried so hard to not destroy what I had so carefully laid out, the cards of which I so carefully played. But I screwed it all up and my card castle was blown away, all because of a nightmare!

 

I ruined everything, I destroyed everything, I killed Jamie... and he was there to watch it all happen. What would he think of me when if he saw me now, locked up with the key thrown away, deep inside one of the crakes in my walls, caged like a bird with no escape out unless you open the door, even if you managed to escape if you didn’t return... they’d kill you.

 

All I really remember of him is his eyes. Emeralds on fire, green green green, so rich so strong... so beautiful. One of a kind, his hair always short and spiky red like the flames of a fire. Medium build and tan completion, striking, and a ‘loner’ as the other students said, “Like Inferno, no friends, complete loser she is, so’s he” they’d say. But I didn’t mind being alone, it was better that way, people wouldn’t get hurt, and I didn’t really like people’s company either.

 

I curl up under the window in a fetal position, like I usually did on my blanket, silently listening to the howl of the wind outside the glass barrier and the screams down the corridor. I busy my mind with words and numbers, counting up and down as if I would forget them if I resite them over and over and over again. I revised the alphabet and complicated words, favourite words, strong meaningful words like proud, arrogant, superior, self-important, pompous... all the things my parents felt when they were ridded of me. Trying not to remember to remember to remember the horrors of my life, the pain and damage I had caused. I shiver though I’m not cold. I am not crazy...

 

I cry... again. The memories... memories flooding my mind... His face when he saw me being dragged from the house a fire extinguisher putting out my flaming body. My brother being dragged out after. My mother screaming when she saw Jamie and my father yelling and beating me in front of the neighbours, the fire fighters, the police, him. The pain that constricted in my chest when I saw his eyes bearing into mine while I was dragged away. The last thing he said the last number he yelled when I was tossed into a police van ringing in my ears. ‘I’ll find you, I promise, no matter what, I will.’

 

"831”

 

I peer through the window to the sky. Dark gray clouds cover the sky, threatening to spill their tears over the earth. It will rain today; it is a sad day today, the sky will cry for us, morn for the lost lives. A single water drop falls upon my window as if beckoning me to come outside; but I cannot I am trapped, I can never be free again, I am a prisoner cannot escape... ever. Sealed away from the world when they finally gave up and thought I was a danger to everyone... which I am.

 

I slump against the wall next to the window. I tried so hard so hard so had to be good, hoping if I was that little bit better that little bit nicer, friendlier, that I would be accepted. To never be hated to be friendly, but every time reality would get in the way and ruin everything. I was hated, I was unwanted and worst of all... feared. Humans kill thing they fear. Or lock them up like I am. Sticks and stones will break my bones, but still I resisted and still tried so hard... until one day I snapped and hit boiling point... literally.

 

A bang on my door jolts my body and I quickly cower into the far dark corner cuddling into a ball with my hands on my head. The door bursts inward and 5 guards’ storm in. I shiver hoping just hoping they made a mistake, hoping that they didn’t mean to come into my cell, hoping I wasn’t going to die...

 

He still had to find me!

 

“Stand up, shut up, hands up legs apart and we won’t shoot you” a voice said gruffly. Click.  My body trembles with fear as I use the wall to stagger to my feet. My lips are sealed together with super glue; keeping the screams in my head from leaving my mouth. One of the guards laugh. Click.

 

“Hey what’s wrong with this one? Aye? The female’s are the ones usually screaming, crying, begging for mercy” I wanted to be brave, to speak out for myself; to say I do not beg, that I was not an animal, that I do not cry when faced with fear... but they were all lies and I did not want to die ‘Dying without reason is no way to go, dying to save a life... however is better, but not always best’.  I close my eyes as 1 tear rolls down my cheek at the thought of my brother’s words, the same words he proved right.

 

I am an animal, they lock me up and rarely feed me and fear me as you would a tiger. I’m a tiger and they tug at my tail...