HELP!

1.Amanda

Amanda:

"it's all my fault..... why the hell did i drink, i should have known something was gonna happen..

"ARRGHHH"  i screamed so loud that i hoped people outside heared and rushed to help me. "Can you stop,not everything is about you. What about me? huh what do i do now"  replied Jay

"i don't care. you can burn in hell for all i care. look at what u made me do"

"you know you wanted it so please stop with the fakeness" speechless i couldn't reply maybe becuase i knew it was true. 'So baby pull me closer in the backseat of your Rover
That I know you can't afford
Bite that tattoo on your shoulder' that stupid ringtone. i picked up my phone and threw it at the wall.

"what is your problem can you stop. who the hell is calling you anyway?"

"it's just Bryan"

"omg!! you mean bryan your boyfriend"

"obviously. jay what am is supposed to say to him?".  i knew he wasn't gonna help me but i was losing hope so i was gonna take whatever i could get.

"okay you really want my help?"

"yes please"

"okay i have the perfect suggestion....GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!"

i grabbed my dress and ran to the bathroom. i sat there and cried but i only cried quietly i didnt didn't want jay to hear but i couldn't fight the tears back. suddenly i felt a pain in my stomach, slowly i got up and felt something build up in my throat.

I Couldn't stop it it just all came out, i watched as it flushed out of me. i guess i made alot of noise because next thing i know jay starts banging on the door
"what are you doing in there, can you just leave"

i crawled to the door and unlocked it. i watched as he looked down on me in digust
"im sorry.. i will clean this up"

"STOP... JUST LEAVE!!! i will get the cleaner to do it. you disgusting pathetic little girl"

" i said im sorry" i felt the tears again and i tried so hard but honestly i felt the lowest of the low.

"stop with your tears. i should be crying because YOUR the one that  vomitted all over MY bathroom. why you always playing the victim. just GO HOME. your unwanted" 

i pick myself up and just ran i didn't care about who i bumped into or what i left behind i just ran.

  when i finally got home i just sat on my doorstep and got locked in deep thought. i was an emotional wreck. 

have you ever felt lost,broken and guilty. well i did and i still do, i killed her than took away the one thing that she loved the most. does that make me a bad sister or just a insane human being

i loved her i really did but she didn't listen and that got me frustrated. i miss her and i wish she was here right now. Her wedding is next week...well it was but now it's her funeral. funny how something can change from the best day of your life to your worst but why am i complaining her day went from best to end..literally the end of her life.

when i finally got home i just sat on my doorstep and got locked in deep thought.

"are you okay?" asked a guy that was passing by

"yh...ummm...urr"

"are u sure?"

"YES I ALREADY TOLD YOU NOW LEAVE ME ALONE BECAUSE IM JUST A PATHETIC LITLLE GIRL THAT LOVES PLAYING THE VICTIM!!" i screamed

"woah... okay im sorry"

"no im sorry...that was just rude and uneeded"

"it's fine. can i help you in anyway"

"yes please... do u have a phone on you?"

"yh... do you want to call someone?"

"yh i wana call my boyfriend"
i told the man his number and he called bryan. 'Hello..who is this??"
"its Amanda..im outside my house please come i really wana talk to you"

"omggg are you okay??? where is your phone? i have been calling your all day!! just wait there im coming"

i wasn't ready to tell him the truth that i had forgotten my phone at jays so i done what im best at , i lied "ummm i lost my phone. okay i will be waiting. thank you baby"

"no worries. im coming. bye"

ugghhh i didnt mean it but i still said it "i love u. bye"

30 minutes later Bryan came and help me up. carefully he lifted me and layed me on the sofa. gently he ran his hand through my hair

"are you okay, i was starting to panick but thankfully you finally called me"

"yh..umm im fine im just a bit hung over"

"should you really be drinking, you have so much stuff to plan for casey-ann"

"uughh please don't talk about her right now and by the way just call her casey"

"oh sorry, its not the best of times but the police are coming round today for a final inspection and to give us the final part of her investigation"

"yh i know but still i need some time"

"how much longer because i think everyone is tired of waiting for you"

"i don't know but i do know that they don't really care about me they just want to know if im attending"

"yh because they really want see you again"

"sure..come on, you know they just want to see if justice has been served and how many people will be attending"

"Amanda. Just stop"

"stop what..huh"

"stop acting like you killed her, it was not your fault and i wish you would stop blaming yourself"

i slowly got up and looked around i wished that bryan was telling the truth but he wasn't

"you weren't there so stop defending me"

"..yh i wasn't there" bryan looked down and refused to look me in the eye

"whats wrong?" i asked

"Amanda..Amanda lets just stop. this isn't about us this is about casey-ann...umm i mean casey"

"do you want a cup of coffee to help with your hangover"

"no thanks, im gonna shower and get to bed"

"okay im gonna go now and try sort some things out. if you need me please just call.. like straight away"

"i don't have my phone... remember??"

"oh yh damn..well there is your ipad so just whatsapp me"

"omg your so smart"

"thank you i got it from my mama" he joked

i gave a fake giggle and walked him to the door. i opened it then dodged a kiss that landed on my cheek instead of lips

after he left i dragged myself upstairs and got in the shower. i washed myself with more tears than water. afterward i couldn't sleep i just laid there thinking about bryan and jay and just everything i had done wrong in life. my miserable life