A Lively Look into a Heartbreaker

College Sophomore Year Pt 1

Oh god, where do i even start at college. A big university, newly single and ready to fuck her life up, I didn't care what I was doing. I was invincible and nobody in hell could tell me otherwise. I of course downloaded the famous Tinder app, only looking for so-called "friends", and I met quite the range of guys my sophomore year, seems to be my lucky year.

First was Scott, well really Zach, but we will get there. He was a bartender at a local bar down the strip, only a few years older, drummer, cancer, heavy drinker and smoker, and skinny with a grungy skater vibe, kinda ugly but he was my type.  After less than a week of texting, I decided that we should meet up, broad day light by the post office, where there were cameras of course and it was almost a midpoint to his house and mine. He skated up, acting like a big shot, and gave me the most awkward hug ever. We walked back to his house, and I was so nervous, I had never met someone from online before let alone go to their house MINUTES after meeting them. We walked into a dirty grungy house, it wreaked of shitty piss beer and smoke  but it was an average college house filled with too many people with not enough space. Upstairs to the right all the way at the end of the tiny hallway was his room, the walls covered in graffiti all done by the lucky man himself. I awkwardly sat on the edge of this full size un-sheeted bed while Scott laid down, he motioned for me to come and lay back with him. I told him I had class in 2-ish hours as I nuzzled up to him. We talked for a little, getting more and more comfortable with each other, of course before we got into details of what we were into. Though not a surprise we were into the same not too kinky shit, but not vanilla either, we giggles and then he went onto this whole spiel about how he refuses to make the first move, to not over step any boundaries with anyone, I laughed and told him I never fuck on the first date. Which isn't a lie, I just never had done it before... He leaded over looking me in my eyes and grabbed my throat and kissed me with this passion I had forgotten about, it lie a fire within me... and then my alarm for class went off. A mood killer, but we kissed for a little more, I grabbed my bag and told him I hope to see him soon, and he walked me to the door and kissed me. I barely made it to class on time, and my friend in that class asked why I looked so frazzled, I laughed and just shrugged it off, and tried to pay attention to class and answer Scott back. He asked for me to come back after class, and of course I did. I basically RAN across campus to his house, knocked on the door and he swept me off of my feet and into his room. It was almost a blur, clothes were strung around the room, with our bodies pressed against each other, his beard scraping against my skin, the rope around my wrist, it was a beautiful mess. 

This mess of ours went on for months, sneaking over before and after class, spending the nights wrapped in each others arms, learning and laughing, bonding and falling for each other. We each had our own issues, which we shared with each other. But I lied, I lied to him a lot. He says still to this day that he never lied to me, but I couldn't help myself, I was too afraid of telling him how I felt that I just wanted him to hurt, and its fucked up, because I know he felt the same. He mentioned about meeting each others parents, going on a proper date, drinks and dinner and all that, but fuck buddies don't do that. It only took me about 2 months to learn his name wasn't really Scott, who the fuck puts a fake name on  their dating profile, Facebook and Instagram off of a fucking Vine and then to get angry that I never knew! Anyway the one day I was playing with his beard, he asked why I called him Scott, and I laughed and said that's your name isn't it?? He said no that it was Zach and I demanded to see his license, like I was so taken aback because who lies about their name for almost 2 months to finally say something, his answer, hes afraid of people finding him online. I almost walked out and told him to lose my number, but I was infatuated by him, he was fucked up and I wanted to fix him, I mean that's my issue, isn't it? But Zach had become my Zachary Binks, a ghost who wont be mine, but would be by my side. He supported me through issues i had with a crazy son of one of the deans, through depressive episodes and through some kinky shit and some other stuff. We continued to see each other for almost m whole sophomore year, going up during winter and spring break to see him for a few hours , but little did he know, other than the one, that I was seeing other people during this year as well.