Neon. (Harry Styles)

chapter 4- half kidding

"okay. this new album is going to be great. we have alot more instruments, and alot more real life inspirations for songs..."

I zone out on what liams saying and just watch harry behind him who is stydying the food table. a bunch of finger foods layout at our disposal here in the studio and harry is taking his sweet and indesisve time to decide. zayn is recording in the background and harry is bopping his head, his hair falling into his face.

"dont you agree?" liam is saying now waving his hand infront of my face bringing me back

"erm. yeah, that all sounds great!"

"awesome, ill call Danielle up and us four can go on a double date!"

wait. wait, no. shoot. I- no. ugh. focus. I need to learn to focus.

"sound great." I say through my teeth and rest my head on the back of the couch. its around two in the morning and a week since harry and i's date. weve speant every day here. and all day here. the boys writing music and lyrics, working with other artists to master this new album.

I dont know where harry and I stand. I dont even know where I want to stand with him at this point. I feel as if we are going back and forth between or competitive edge, and then our first time. hes attractive...yes. impossible.. even more so.

"do ya want anything to eat lad?" niall chirps grabbing his keys off the coffee table.

harry shakes his head no, finally grabbing a water bottle and a banana.

"wait mate, ill come with." louis says jumping up and dragging zayn and liam with him. leaving just harry and I.

"lets fuck." harry teases plopping down on the couch next to me and takes a massive bite of his banana.

I elbow him and pull out my phone, "oh shush." but when hes quiet, I have a feeling he was only half kidding.

when the boys get back with a couple paper bags of food each they all are slap happy and I take thatvas I my cue to leave before things get wierd. "I ought to go..." I whisper to harry who is wide awake, a beanie holding onto his head.

"ill drive you home."

we walk in silence and my heart races. I have to ask him. I need to. but at my car harry puts one head next to my head against the car and the other on my waist. "thanks for hanging out..." he whispers and leans in.

and despite my internal argument, I let him kiss me. his lips cool and inviting, begging for more.

I cant give in. I just cant.. I pull away and look down at the ground.

"what's wrong?" he asks, making me look at his worried eyes.

"why didnt you call?" my voice asks quickly, im not sure if he even understood me.

"wh-what are you talking abo-"

"after we had sex, why didnt you call me." I demand now, but voice still pleading.

harry pushes away almost angry and faces the other way. his large hands running over his face and into his hair. no answer.

"harry. why. why didnt you call?"

"I was scared!" he shouts turning on his heal and stares me in the eye making my heart thuds heavily against my chest. he looks so conflicted. "I knew in that moment I was more then just 'into you' and frankly that scared the living shit out of me." he lets out a sigh, "it still does."

the parking lot is almost empty besides a few lingering cars from the boys, and due to the fact we are in l.a the street is still busy with people and cars passing.

"as if." I snap. "that's bullshit. if you actually cared about me, why the hell would you just drop me like that. you were my first, harry. my first." my tone comes out a bit nastier than I had planned but it seemed to get my message across to him. he looks wounded. "just drive me home."

"cal...."

"take. me. home."

"fine." he snaps ripping his door open, "have it your way."

I yank open my door and sit inside. "my god youre infuriating. you know that?"

"me? im infuriating? You're unbearable. always trying to be the better person and figure everything out. now everything has an answer you know."

"classic harry. always running away from your problems never ready to deal with anything."

"im sorry. ive been on tour. how the hell do ecpect me to deal with any of this?"

"like a man harry. ever since we were learning to walk you always are trying to one up me. be better. you better then that. I gave you a huge part of me."

"cal..."

"no harry. just stop."

the rest of the ride was silent.