Numbers || Andy Biersack

chapter twenty four

I wished I could say that I hadn't called Andy the following day while Rhys was at work. I wished we hadn't spent an hour talking, really talking and not just bickering. And I really really wished we hadn't talked almost everyday for the following week.

But it was all true.

The worst part was that with every shared laugh and reluctant goodbye, I was slipping back into loving Andy. It wasn't like I didn't still feel everything I did for Rhys. It was just that all these old emotions were resurfacing. I kept remembering the tryst-like romance Andy and I shared. As badly as it had ended, there had been a sort of dramatics and excitement that I loved. The sneaking around and stolen kisses. It had given me a rush. Not to mention, being loved by someone so mysterious and coveted had been amazing. Andy was a star and being near him was like a brush with outer space.

Back then, I had loved him and he loved me. It had been wrong then, too convoluted and unhealthy. But things were different now, according to Andy There would be no secrets, no sneaking around. I didn't know if that made the idea of being with Andy more or less appealing.

Right now, we were Skyping. Andy was back home in LA, the sound of the dishwasher and a Disney movie running in the background.

"Juliet is picking up Zander tonight," Andy said.

"How does that work between you guys?" I asked.

"We alternate weeks. I had him this week so Juliet gets him for the coming week. We have dinner together even during our respective weeks,  just so Zander doesn't feel upset about switching from house to house."

I nodded. We'd already talked about our days and the newest song Andy was writing. I was debating about saying goodbye to Andy and going to start dinner when he said, "So, when do you think you're coming to LA?"

"I hadn't been planning to go to America at all," I said, confused. This past Christmas I'd visited my mom and Kourt, but this year they were coming to England finally. 

"I want to see you," Andy said. "You should visit. Or you could just move back here permanently."

"I don't think Rhys would be interested in that."

Andy rolled his eyes. "You're still dating him?"

Of course I was. Andy just enjoyed antagonizing me about it. It was frustrating, to say the least.

I couldn't just give up the life if built here in England to be with Andy. I gave him all of myself the last time we were together and I wasn't going to do that again. When we were together, I was weak and willing to sacrifice everything just to see Andy smile. When we'd broken up, I realized I had given all of myself to Andy and had been left empty.

Rhys asked for nothing but my heart. That was the main difference between the two. One wanted nothing but my love, while the other wanted every part of me. I had grown so much stronger in the passing years, but I didn't believe I could be bled dry again and survive.

"I don't want to talk about this," I sighed.

"You never want to talk about it."

"And you still haven't stopped bringing it up. Why can't we just be friends? Why can't you accept that right now friendship is all I can give you?"

Andy narrowed his eyes, looking unbelievably frustrated. "Because we're meant for more than that. We're not fucking friends and we never will be. We're soulmates. We're Hades and Persephone and I'm just waiting for you to realize that."

"Do you actually know the story of Hades and Persephone? Because it's really not the most romantic."

"That's not important." He was ready to continue, but a little voice announced, "Daddy, I wanna play." Zander's words were rounded and muttered with the childish simplicity that only a two year old could muster.