Mistakes Made ✅

Chapter 19: Trembling Heart

A/N
Yes yes y'all know the angst is coming.

"Balker!"

The familiar way in which his surname was pronounced was enough to make Errol turn around from the row of jams. Approaching him, to his slight surprise, was Patrick. The old man had a basket full of groceries dangling from one hand, and there was a limp in his step as he approached Errol. What appeared to be a stunned smile decorated his wrinkled faced.

"Hey, Pat," Errol greeted. "Good to see you out and about."

Patrick nodded. "Likewise," he said. "Thought you'd left town."

"You need to go out often then," Errol returned jokingly, earning a light chuckle from the old man. He felt himself loosen up.

"Say, there's a cat wanderin' around outside your apartment lately – bloody loud, that one," Patrick was saying. Mustard, Errol thought immediately, and he could feel his lips quirking into a small smile. "She yours?"

"I used to feed her," Errol explained, nodding. "How is the cat?"

"Loud," Patrick shook his head, then his gaze grew more concerned. "Where d'you live now, Errol?"

Errol had already foreseen this question the moment his eyes landed on Patrick not a minute ago. Of course the man would ask where he lived now, especially after implicitly telling Errol to leave the apartment. Errol just didn't expect to bump into Patrick too soon – at least that was what it felt like to Errol. The man hardly went out, as far as he knew.

"Settled in with a friend," Errol answered, avoiding the mention of Jordie's name – otherwise the memory of Jackie would be conjured like a curse. And Errol had already had a restless sleep the previous night when dreams came surging into him like a tide during a thunderstorm. "Got another job and I was able to pay half the rent."

Patrick simply nodded in response. "This a friend from work?"

Errol shook his head. "He's, uh ... an old friend. Goes to uni around here," he answered. And we have our fair share of history, he wanted to say, but knew those words would only suffocate him. Instead he said, "Now he's making me do the shopping for him."

"Well then, not gonna waste your time now," Patrick straightened up. "Happy shopping. Good day, Balker!"

Errol saluted the man as the latter walked out of the aisle. It wasn't until Patrick was out of sight did he expel a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. Sure, Patrick was a sight for sore eyes, but there were also the unfurling dark clouds that had been accumulating inside Errol since the previous night. He felt nauseated, but he knew only emptiness would be spilled out.

Of course, Jordie knew exactly nothing about the whole affair. Errol had to replay the words in his head over and over again last night, hoping they would become untrue, wishing against all odds that it wasn't him who had smashed Jackie's sanity into smithereens. Jackie, the sister who Errol knew Jordie loved unconditionally. He could tell by the way Jordie talked to her on the phone, how he would lunge for his phone the moment her caller ID flashed on the screen, ask her how things were improving.

And not knowing that the boy he kissed and cuddled with and joked around was the person who had brought this  psychological illness to her.

Errol hadn't been able to feel his stomach since then. He had merely sat back and waited for Jordie to return from the bathroom the previous night, the latter of whom was still very oblivious to the whole situation. He couldn't bring himself to talk about anything else. And it was already smothering him. The black cloud was solely targetting him, the wind whispering into his ears that a storm would unravel.