"This is a child, Jinkx!"
"I know!"
"A child!"
"I know!
Its too loud. This is what I awake to. Loud. And I dont like loud- I hate loud- I have come to learn that everything that isnt silent is laced with everything bad, and with everything bad comes fear-
"You dont even know her, Jinkx!"
There's so much yelling-
"Its been like 2 months! Of course I know her!"
"Even then. How could you really know her? She could just be someone using you for-"
And then I hear something smash against the floor-
Its too loud-
More yelling-
its too loud its too loud-
and then- its 2am hiding from him in the closet, its opening the doors a tiny bit to see him- its too loud its too loud-
its him slurring my name- he cant see me- its him screaming my name- swearing- its too loud-
its the loud smash of the window breaking against his fist-
screaming my name- screaming my name- its too loud- he sees me peeking through the closet doors-
And I run-
"Naya? Naya. Im here. Im here now."
And suddenly- the darkness of the inside of the closet at 2 am fades into light- into warmth- into Jinkx's fingers running through my hair- into their arms wrapped around me- into the reassurance of safety.
"What happened, darling?" Jinkx whispers.
I forced my eyelids open. Looked up at Jinkx. Tried to find comfort in the way the brown in their eyes seemed lighter and clearer as the early morning sunlight reached through the open window and touched them.
"Too loud..." I pause, gnawing on my lip. "There was a... a smash. andYelling." was all I could mutter. In my head, the darkness hasnt quite faded. In my head, I still see 2am hiding in the closet and him through small crack in the door, his eyes locking with mine.
I think of how loud things always always mean bad things and I think of Jinkx outside and the smash from outside and I think of Jinkx with fear englufing every inch of them, Jinkx pestered by the need to hide-the need to run.
And somehow, with stones stuck in my throat, I still manage to ask, "Who was that? Are you okay?" Its worry that my voice is leaning against. It sounds frail. Soft. Its a struggle getting words out when your head still feels stuck in a place and a time far from here and now.
"Im fine, Naya. I... accidentally dropped a plate. Im sorry. I forgot how you dont like things that are too loud- Im sorry."
"Please dont say sorry." I murmured, softly.
"No, Im sorry. I wasnt careful. I knew that these kind of things just..." Theres a long pause as Jinkx sucks in a deep, steadying breath. "Im sorry."
"Its not your fault that I..." I halt, trying to gather all my attention into gnawing on my lower lip to distract myself. But even then, everytime I blink, plastered on the back of my closed eyelids, I see the anger in his eyes through the moonlight of that night at 4am. The sight makes me shiver. "I... I dont want to see him anymore, Jinkxy."
"I know, baby, I know." I felt Jinkx wrap their arms even tighter around me, feel the warmth of their tears against the top of my head. "Im so sorry, Naya. Im so fucking sorry." They say, and it sounds like they have stones stuck in their throat.
