'Til Death Do Us Part

Sixteen

Once I came to terms with what I was feeling, admitting to myself that I should be with Ariana in death, as I had been in life, a wave of relief washed over me. It was the only conclusion I could come up with that would please both Ariana and me.

I had meant it when I told Ariana that I didn't want to die. Of course I didn't want to. But I also knew Ariana hadn't wanted to die either. She had too much to live for and would have had an amazing future, I was sure. Her life was cut short unfairly and there was nothing I could do to change that. I couldn't reverse time or go back and do things differently. I had to make my decisions based on what I could realistically do.

Over the next couple of weeks, I slowly came to terms with the fact that my life was about to end. The only thing that made it hard was Leo.
The more I saw him, the more I fell for him.
Honestly, I tried to fight it. I knew it wasn't fair to him, or to myself, to get involved when I didn't have much time left. As strong as I tried to be, I was nothing by a weakling around him. One flash of a smile and I would lose my train of thought.

We met one morning to go hiking and the woods were empty for the most part. Quiet and serene, it was the only time my head was clear. When we hiked, we'd walk the trails, talking about anything that happened to spark our interest, or saying nothing at all. Even in total silence, I was at ease with Leo. We were on the same wavelength all the time.

On a particular sunny afternoon, we hiked up one of the more difficult trails since it led to a spectacular waterfall. I hadn't seen it for myself, but had always wanted to. Leo was the first person who was just as excited as I was to go see it. During our hikes, Leo slowly began to open up to me. He told me about his passion for photography, so I encouraged him to bring his camera along during our hikes.

Leo was incredibly talented. He'd shown me some of his photos and they seemed like professional quality to me. I told him so, but he just shrugged it off. As we would walk along the trails, he would stop periodically to set up the perfect shot. I always waited patiently. I loved watching him work, concentrating on getting everything set in such a way. His brow furrowed and his eyes changing color with each emotion. I sat in awe of his every move.

As I guess I should have expected, Leo turned the camera on me, no matter how much I protested. He'd position me one way or another and then snap his camera. It was hard to act naturally with a lens in my face, so Leo would crack jokes to make me laugh. Then I'd hear a click and somehow he had produced an impressive photo of me.

Leo didn't talk about his family much. I didn't want to pry and I approached my questions cautiously. It took a while before he confided that his dad had passed away. Although not buried in the cemetery in Fairhollow, Leo had been roaming around when I met him for that reason. It was the only way, he said, he felt close to his dad.

His loss explained why he was so gentle with me whenever I mentioned Ariana. Leo knew my pain firsthand, which made me feel both happy and sad.

When we made it to the top of the trail, we could hear the sound of the water. A few steps later and we were amid a massive waterfall framed by trees with falling leaves. Autumn colors covered the ground, drops of moisture from the waterfall splashing lightly onto nature. I felt like we were trespassing into an enchanted forest. Magnetically we were pulled closer to the water. As we approached it, sunlight peeked our from behind some trees, hitting the water. A rainbow emerged right in front of our eyes.

We both stood facing it, our mouths open in amazement, unable to move. I jolted back into reality and lightly smacked Leo on the arm.

"Camera!" I blurted out.

Leo flinched, made a tiny yelp, and fumbled with his camera. He aimed and snapped shot after shot.

As the rainbow began to fade, I watched it slowly disappear and asked, "Wasn't that the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?"

"Second most beautiful," he answered, staring at me.

He brought his hand to my face, his fingers sliding into my hair, and leaned in. When his lips touched mine, I arched my back and with his other arm he pulled me by my waist into him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, tightening my grip. The sounds of the falling water crashing around us was deaf to my ears. The only things audible were the pounding of my heart wildly beating and the soft, gruff groans from Leo. All my senses were heightened and a surge of fire went from my toes to my head with lightning speed.

As I kissed Leo, I felt an energy ignite from deep inside me. I didn't want him to stop. Time slowed around us as the wind blew my dark hair up and around, his fingers twirling strands of it, sending chills down my spine. When our lips parted, I breathed heavily and felt the warmth of his hand cradling my face. I nuzzled into his palm, my eyes meeting his.

After kissing Leo, there was no turning back. My feelings for him took control of my mind, determining my every thought and daydream. My mind wandered constantly, imagining everything we could do together. I wanted to spend every minute with him. Our time together never seemed to last long enough.

The small voice in my head that would interrupt my thoughts to remind me of Ariana would get briefly ignored until I was alone again. I couldn't hide from myself and when I turned out my light before bed, thoughts I had suppressed throughout the day came flooding back.

I hadn't seen any visions of Ariana and my dreams were filled with my newfound love, Leo. I knew Ari was waiting for me, but was it possible she had stepped back for a bit to give me time to enjoy being with Leo before I left to be with her? She knew everything about me, including my experience - or lack thereof - with boys. Even though she started dating in middle school, I didn't. My awkward stage lasting a much longer duration than I had hoped, I stumbled through those years clumsily. Ari spent afternoons kissing boys while I spent my time after school picking food out of my braces or unable to speak due to a tight mud mask plastered on my face.

Eventually, my skin cleared up, my braces were removed, and I stood with my shoulders back without feeling unsure of the inches I seemed to have grown in height overnight. Even the frizz that found a new home in my long hair during the summer seemed to slowly leave me, my hair returning to the silky strands I was used to.

I did my best with what I was given. There's not much I could realistically change. In an attempt to lighten my hair to match Ariana's golden mane, I squeezed lemons into my damp head and napped under the summer sun for hours. I awoke to hair that had an orange tint and smelled like old, sticky lemonade. It looked as awful as it sounds. The texture has turned to a knotted stringy mess of wires. My mom made me cut inches off and it took forever to grow it back.

I hated time away from Leo since that was when my mind seemed to snap back into depressing reality. As I had predicted, the friends of Ariana's who had followed her around like lost puppies adjusted quickly to her absence. And I became what I always had feared I would be without Ari - invisible. Those who had offered their support after she died no longer texted or called. Any disappointment I felt was replaced with not only acceptance, but relief.  Not having to drag along as Ariana led the group around school when it started up again would allow me to travel the halls with a clear view of whatever lay in front of me. How did I never notice before that I was constantly seeing the back of their heads? Somehow getting shoved to the side, I did my best to keep up with the group's pace, and to do so I would have to run along at the back of the bunch. I realized I rarely saw their faces.

For me, it was better to go unnoticed now, blending into the walls of the schools hallways, but with a clear view of the path ahead, for the first time ever.