"Seriously who stole my shampoo again?!"
A voice rings loudly in the pit that is the apartment block at 2 am on a Wednesday morning. The aftermath of the sounds rings hollow against the cheap plaster wall. A cacophony of inhuman sounds follows. Many incoherent complaints and shrieks to the air.
One coherent reply rises above the rest.
"Shut the fuck up, asshole!"
There are also furious thumps at walls, in retaliation at being woken up way too early for the uni student to function in the wee hours of the morning. Some people just came back. Other people have classes. 2 is too cruel of an hour to start a performance in the shower and effectively grousing the entire floor.
"I need shampoo~," the voice still singsongs, though less in loudness and intensity, but annoyingly still loud in their own apartment.
The facts
- Anderson Enriquez enjoys and prioritises these specific things in life: his appearance, his friends' appearances when they are near him, his dogs, the availability of sugared Nutella donuts at the campus cafe, being able to belt high notes in the showers consistently at 5.30 in the morning and waking the people in his apartment up at 7 o'clock every morning because he can
- He's the reason why people started 1) sleeping way too early 2) buying noise-cancelling headphones 3)filing out complaints to the Dean and legal aid
He nudges Gwen, a small thing, a precious bean, with his socked foot and steps back as she gathers the blanket around her and rolls off to her right, hair wrapping around her face and neck.
"Gwen," he waits.
"No," is the answer, "leave me and my blanket burrito alone."
"You have a class."
"In two hours. You woke me up. I'm not moving."
Someone walks into the door to Gwen's room. Anderson spares Kaito a passing glance, the guy struggling to keep himself upright, elbows slipping down like his declining sleep hours, courtesy of being woken up on a regular basis of three times every night and into the next morning.
Cohen is in the kitchen, fuelled by the pure and filtered force of caffeine (in the form of a shot, with a little or a lot of Red Bull thrown in). He's wielding a spatula and he's cursing Anderson from his ancestors to the banana tree his aunt is growing back in the Philippines.
"Lovely morning, right everyone?" Anderson lets out a refreshing exhale, not even bothering with the varying levels of death glares in the room. "There is an imminent question I need to ask," he grins, almost maniacal, "which fucker took my shampoo?"
Gwen hits an immovable object, the wall, in her escape attempt and groans, something vaguely non-English and the grocery list she wrote last night. Cohen muffles the scream he's about to unleash on them with the slap he deems appropriate as a response in not screaming. It's a loud slap.
Kaito may be sleep-deprived but he's woken up by the instinctive DNA wiring of care inside of him, eyes widening and asking Anderson where he saw his shampoo last and did anyone see it yesterday.
"Threw it in the bin," Gwen grunts, "thing ran out on Monday."
"Oh, right, yeah," Anderson slaps a fist onto his palm, "I threw it out."
There are three things that occur one after the other in the next second:
1. Kaito lets out a burdensome and heartrending sigh, so tired that Cohen spares him two pats from the flat end of his spatula, murmuring "It's not your problem"
2. Gwen sits up and crawls under her desk
3. Cohen reaches back and hurls the spatula at Anderson's back, screaming curses in Korean and English, the most prominent being "You asshole!"
Group chat: gwen and her three knights
andy: i apologised for everything
coco: what a bloody shame
gwen: Let him in, he's served his time
coco: okay first of all
coco: hes a fkcing menace
coco: second of all
coco: he needs to reflect on his sins
coco: and third
coco: u dont even live here
coco: go home or smthing
kai or caleb??: His henchmen are cornering me
kai or caleb??: How do I say no to people
gwen: You're asking me like I have a solution
kai or caleb??: I'm open to suggestions and potential solutions
andy: if u let me in
kai or caleb??: I'm sure Chris doesn't mind lending you his couch for a few more days
kai or caleb??: You'll live
gwen: Yeah tough luck mate, Kai's granted his words, you're outta here
andy: IT WAS A REASONABLE RESPONSE OKAY??
coco: i cannot believe u sent ur minions to harass kai
coco: wat a pest
gwen: The scum of society
kai or caleb??: It has turned out they are fans of mine
kai or caleb??: Anderson you're on probation if you bring back nutritious food at 4
coco: for a moment there i thot i jnew peace
gwen: I'm not coming over tonight?
coco: wat a blessing
andy: BOO
andy: stop bullying the baby
coco: im fuelled by pure hate im spiteful at anything binch
kai or caleb??: I had just been gifted with brownie but I don't know if they're filled with nasty things or not
andy: one way to find out
gwen: If someone dies can I sell all of your things
coco: i volunteer anderson
andy: i volunteer ur brother u stupid ass sht
kai or caleb??: Kayla ate it for me
kai or caleb??: She is fortunately okay
andy: so is my sentence absolved yet
kai or caleb??: Probably
gwen: You weak man, you
kai or caleb??: Remember the food
coco: ur on thin fucking ice u vagabond
andy: oh what a threat im so petrified
gwen: If you kill him you can't be a barrister
coco: watch me
YOU ARE READING
Gwen and her three knights
ComédieThe facts: - Cohen keeps breaking spatulas, either by force or by throwing them at walls - Kaito's height remains an inconvenience for their average-sized apartment to properly accommodate him - Gwen drops in and out all the time and no one's rea...