Love-Ship

Love Or Promise....?

After spending these 6 months, waiting for a single day was not affordable. I want to talk to JEN on the very next day, but was not able to develop enough courage. I wanted her to be mentally prepared for it and hence was giving her some time. Besides hoping for a new beginning and looking at stars, I was just thinking about the bright, beautiful and magical moments we had in past years. Fear, was the another factor disallowing me to confess her.

Luckily we got an opportunity to meet. One of our friend needed some help and had called us at her home. At her house we talked very normal and I was all the time thinking about how to tell her. While I had many thoughts, JEN waved all of them by texting "Should we continue November decision or not?" I wasn't able to answer it because our friend had kept an hawk eye on us. My work was over, and I even had to reach home while JEN had to wait there. I was just about to say a good bye and JEN messaged "Tussi Jaa rahe ho, tussi na jao, I will be bored while returning." Now what? Everyone knows that after this, I can't leave. Anyways, nothing is more important than JENNIFER. After completing the work, we left her place together. While walking, I just broke the ice by saying" JEN, I am not willing to continue the November decision anymore. "
She just said" Okay".
Out of all curiosity I asked "What about you?"
She was like "I will tell you later."
Okay, so had to wait for more time to enter into magical life.

After that we met several times, but I never asked her about it because I didn't wanted to be a headache for her I was just letting her to take enough time, so that she is clear in her decision. My feelings were already known to her, today or tomorrow she will give the answer so no need to force her. On the other hand I was waiting as if anyone was first time waiting for her answer.

Between these days I used to text her and even got to hear her voice. I was desperately expecting her answer to be positive. Talks and conversation were special because you were talking to the backbone of your life.

Now, she was going out of town for 10 days and today was her last day in town. We were talking usually and she suddenly texted "I have decided to continue the November decision." Reading this, I was dejected for a while but thought that it's okay if she is still my mate, to whom I can share everything. It's her life and I would support her decision. See, you can't impose yourself on anyone. Then she followed "You are still my best friend." I too replied "I know." Then too, I texted her daily. Nothing was changed, I kept everything as usual by messaging daily. I was doing it because she shouldn't feel that after her decision I am ignoring her, what I actually wasn't. But you know, when you be too careful to avoid something, it definitely happens. I didn't wanted her to have any misunderstanding and get friendship affected.

When she was out, I was all the time worried about her. I used to check her profile's last seen so as to confirm that she is fine. But once when I opened it, her last seen wasn't visible and even her profile picture had disappeared. I got anxious, what would have happened? My whole mind was full of dreadful thoughts. That whole day, I tried multiple ways to contact her but anyhow nothing was working. In worry, I passed a very difficult day. But my worry was just a misconception and useless because her text on the next day was "You would have felt bad for sure because I blocked you. But please text me only if important, otherwise don't." How can she do this! Yes, I was happy that she was safe but moreover dejected. Was it the end? After all the efforts to talk her, I lost! I talked to her so that she could know I am still at her side but now I was a disturbance for her. Now, she isn't interested to talk to me even.....

Her influence was too difficult to cure. With relation, talk too was limited by her. Actually now I started witnessing depression. How........ How could I live without talking to her? I had to just burrow the feelings deep inside. But, again I didn't left my love. I still typed each and everything I wanted to say her but after it typed, I ERASED IT! I.... I never developed enough courage to send even an 'Hello'. I was afraid....... afraid to get blocked and just lose her completely.