The Dynamic of self destruction

"Was it me?"

I am seemingly unable to forget...

The way your eyes lit like a fire when you saw me.
The smile you had when I first said that I loved you.
Your laugh that traveled for miles when you found something amusing.

But have no trouble forgetting...

Your white lies that you swore were only so little.
Your infidelity that you had known would
Destroy and belittle me.
The explicit words and phrasing you had no trouble calling me... before you walked away from us.

Time fades all wounds, but we all know the lies you told were frequent.

I saw the light disappeare in your eyes--

I remember the smile that lept into the abyss between...
Never existing and wishing for it to approach again.

I remember your laugh when you finally came for your things.

A month and a half after
You broke my heart.
You entered an awkward hug,
And we didn't know what to say.

You looked so happy.....

And I wake every night screaming
How can an I love you change into an I hate you
After all these years?