Just Breathe

Februrary 9, 2018

Yesterday was Bovis Stercus (Latin word). I cried over minor things. I thought I might've pushed too hard, so I prepared myself for the worst. I already felt the bullet before the trigger was pulled. I anxiously waited, but the gun was never shot. There was no fun at all. Just his arms and hands waiting to embrace me so I would be alright. At that moment I wanted to cry. I would've but they weren't tears of surrender or anger. They would've been tears of joy. Knowing he chose me again, even when I didn't chose myself. I want to go back to this morning. When it was just him and I. I laid my head on his shoulder and his arm while he held my hand. We talked, and I loved it. His voice was piecing me together effortlessly. Today was better. I'm glad I have him. I want him always to be there. Even though he wasn't there when I felt like I needed him the most he was there. Bat at the exact moment, but he was there. You know love has a definition but it's a complex feeling to described for others. If I had to describe love about 2 months ago I'd say I wouldn't know it it's the feeling of belonging with someone. But love is when you're so scared of losing someone who makes you feel like you're walking on clouds. Love is when you talk for hours and never get tired. It's when your heart shines over the thought of a person. Love is always wanting the other to be okay. I've never loved the way he loves me. His arms are meant to hug me, his hands might be large but they cover mine nicely, and his voice makes me forget other people exist. I can only wonder what his lips taste like. I really love him. I'm not afraid to fall because with him I feel like I can fly. I wish there was more time so we could have memories like this morning. I want him forever. I need him forever. I trust him, he doesn't need to tell me anything. We all have things we don't share, I'm willing to share mine but not everybody is me. I could see us together forever.
Carpe Omnia. Seize the day.