Just Breathe

January 27, 2018

I can only watch. I can't feel the pain. I've felt it myself but I can't bring myself to comparison. So we just sit in silence. The silence suffocated yet comforts us. She cries. I watch. I lay down on the grass and stare up at the sky. I don't comfort her. It won't help. She's got her mind somewhere. She'll tell me when she's ready. If not then she won't. I won't make her. She's not okay. She's never ok. I can't help. No words can help. So again I sit in silence. She can't tell me out loud so we text. No clear thoughts but words nonetheless. I hear the tears hit the screen. I hear the heavy breathing. Somehow she tells me. She's strong. But she's been so weak before. She's tried at least 4 times to just get life over with. I couldn't of stopped her. I couldn't of found the right words to say. I'm no good. I'm no help. I'm a sorry excuse of a human. I can't help anything and I worry over myself when I know she's not okay. How can I be so selfish?