Chasing love

Here,Now

11:30
Tinder:someone new likes you
Omg,after two fucking weeks somebody likes me,will it be a nice guy that loves me for who I am or it will be a gamer in love with Mario kart.Then without looking at my phone I start  thinking,Average size, black hair,green eyes,vampire,alone with headphones hearing the nutcracker op 71, ballet dancer in the subway, he is from Australia.I open my phone and I found a picture of sunglasses, I mean come on tinder,I should really give up in this shit planet and visit my magic world with the ballet imaginary guy,but I have things to do, I need to go and shop some pretzels and some rose,just kidding I need to go to the institute and talk to my friends but.., I want to be in my world, follow a rabbit and fell to wonderland, but instead I will be falling on the ballet dude arms.I should start doing my tasks,I should go to target.
I am so angry, I've spend 130 dollars in target.I should stop.Now .
1:30
I start siping some tea...Oh no here comes again the ballet dude, ok just for a moment, he told me to come to the Australia ballet school, I met him in the cafeteria and we started talking I ordered tea, black tea off course, he ordered a matcha latte,the place was empty so he asked me to touch his penis, and I asked him why, he told me because he is going to do some bad things to me,we go to the showers and we told me he wanted to have a body like mine, I asked him why, because of freedom, I told him that my body was the oposite of freedom, he told me to shut up, he gets naked, he tells me to get naked and go to the shower with him and bring a CONDOM, I was intrigued on his orders but I do it, the water is running cold and refreshing, he kisses my neck, then pushes me to the wall, he puts the condom and he penetrates me so hard, and then he bites my ear and tells me to hold on to the real world,then the kisses me and I got on my knees and gave him a blowjob,he cums In my face,leaves and I cleaned myself,I come back to reality.
2:30
Mom:Hey are you okey?
Me:yeah Mommy I love you,are we going to the movie theater after my French class?
Mom:I don't want to go
Me:Please come with me nobody wants to go out with me
Mom:Fine I will pick you up at 9
I am exited right? French class? People? Boyfriend? Hell no! I fucking hate tinder I really want to grow the fuck up so I can be happy all by myself and stop feeling lonely.
I really need to go to my class
4:55
Emma:hi! How are you! Did you did the homework
Me:off course! I am a genius!
Emma:what?
Me:just kidding
Emma:sure...
5:30
Tinder:use some boosts and more people will see you
I am in French class I can do that in French class,fuck! Fine,I will try.
7:00
Now I have a mini recess,I should play some Clairo songs and start getting in action.
Tinder:somebody super liked you!
Fuck! Please be nice and cute,please please! I need a signal! Phone falls to the floor
Me:fuck my life
Fuck! The profile picture on this dude is a cat! Finally someone nice! A cat! I can date a cat!
Tinder profile
Fred Gomez,22
*cat picture,crappy camera selfie picture,ps4 pic*
Favorite song:"one call away"
Me:"one call away"! More like "one uggh away",ps4! What the fuck! I really hate video games ! Why?! Just why! I will date your cat not you.
8:00 *end of French class*
I should put some Gucci bloom some lipgloss and wait for my mom,ok! I will do that! And also I will buy some candy!
11:30
The movie ended I arrived home,i had more energy so I decided to do my make up and after that took it off and do a facial,so I do that and then the facial time was up.Then the feeling of lonely ness comes again,why? Why I have to feel like that?! Why? I really think that some people need to realize that I am a lost cause.
YES.A lost cause,but at least I have my imaginary world with my imaginary boys and my vamp... fuck it! I feel like shit! And no stupid tears will help but still I cry and cry because I am fucking sad alone and I have no shot at the love thing.Thats why I don't live in a real world because I am alone! I need somebody that loves me and not some stupid guy with stupid video games and stupid everything .
I am tired of the same things the same plans the same feelings of boredom and loneliness.
I feel like the real world should end! I want to cut myself but I don't do it because of my mother, the only reason why I can take that shitty feeling of loneliness.
And I don't give a fuck about people excuses because they are lame.
Yes lame,boring and stupid is this world.
Wow! I really feel better after watching Alice in wonderland 1951 version it really calms me, that's why I stoped cutting myself on the past, that movie really calms me and gives me hope.

Me:that was a shitty moment but I feel better now.
Tinder:someone new likes you
Peter Grant
*black picture*
*no description*
Why?! Why somebody create a tinder account and not put a fucking picture?! Just why?!
I really don't give fuck! Why is app is a pain in the ass? Maybe because nowadays people don't believe in "that feeling"?!
Oh don't! Just don't...
I hate nowadays,I hate people,I Should pet my cat and mind business , well I hope something interesting and real happens to me tomorrow.