I never want friends. Or boyfriend. Or a loyal dog. Or anyone who would sweep me out of my feet. I want my Saturday nights to be a cozy time in my bedroom, my own time. Not a crazy party life with my friends. I want to be in a relationship with myself; pampering and pleasing the ‘me’ that I know. Not depending on someone to love me and cry if they failed to. I want to be with myself; for I know I’ll never be without me. Not to be with someone only to find out they’ve abandoned you.
Yes. I am sensitive. I am scared. I am doubtful of everything that surrounds me, and everything that I see. The only thing that I am sure of is my thoughts. My capabilities. My world. But outside it, I am never assured. Outside my little realm, is a place full of distrust, uncertainties and pain. I know this a long time ago, but this is the first time I am truly terrified of what’s out there. My spark of curiosity became a flicker of preventive measures. Oh, how I miss my old self. Ready to explore the world. Of all the emotions, curiosity remains. But that’s probably because my heart was never involved in my topic of interest. And that satisfy my curiosity. My subject would not make my heart flutter, jump or skip a beat. They were just to be seen without me included. What’s outside my interest, I never bother with it. And that’s it.
