Love or heartbreak? Really what's the difference?

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So now when I say the words him, he, and when I'm voicing it directly to someone you. I'm no longer talking about the guy who broke my heart cause I was too dumb. I'm talking about the new brown eyed guy who stole my heart and taught me the second time loving is worth the chance of getting hurt too. He has an older soul than you, he understands everything. He doesn't seem 17 he seems so much older and wiser just being around him makes me feel so smart. He says I'm different too, I'm not sure how though I always have felt like I was ordinary. He said he's hung out with a lot of girls though from 16 to 20 somethings, and he said "for only 16 you're different, you're amazing." He hates lying, I almost messed it up because I'm so used to not being myself because I'm never accepted for who I am. I wasn't aware of how understanding he would be of everything. My scars, the drugs, the drinking he just understands, he doesn't like it but he understands an doesn't judge me for it. I want to be a better person, he makes me want to change. I don't want to drink until the ache in my heart goes away because the cracks that made it ache are being filled up by his love. I don't need to smoke weed anymore because he takes my worries away and makes me feel happy again. I don't need to rip my flesh apart with a razor because I am whole now, and the blood spewing from my legs have never made me feel as good as he does. But that's the whole thing those three things are how I remained okay for so long. Now that I can go without them but only with him, what if he leaves too? Just like you did? What if I start relying on him to save me when I know that I'm the only person that can actually save myself. I should know by now you can't rely on anyone else for happiness but what if I just can't do it myself? I can't be so sad forever I've held a blade over my wrists too many times, one of these times I'll be brave enough to die, but maybe not with him on my arm.