JOURNAL e.d.

|12|

"Ethan, I know you're never going to forgive me for this. I need to know why you decided to kill yourself, why your family had to treat you this way. I need to know. It's raining, and I'm crying. I'm sorry Ethan. I can't let the journal go until I read the twelfth page. I'm not going to forget about my promise I made to you. I will not read the thirteenth page, I promise. I just need to read this final page. Okay?" The thunder was her answer.

-Page 12-
I sat on the stool with the bucket in my hands. I'm not going to throw up, I'm going to cry. I'm the emotional guy, who gets hurt easily, but just doesn't want to show it. Before I left the house, I wrote on the bucket, 'tears'. I knew I was gonna cry. Just not enough to fill the whole bucket, I didn't get a giant one though. It was tiny, enough for me to fill at least a third of the bucket. I cried and cried. I looked at my watch. It was 11:40 P.M. I began to set up the rope. I stood onto the stool, and tied one end of the rope to the tree, kept the other end swinging. I waited for my alarm to go off. Twenty minutes past and there I went. Tying the rope they used for Cam's birthday when they used me as a punching bag, around my neck. It smelled like blood, of course it did. My hands were finished, and I began to hear the alarm. I let my hands go from the rope, and hung there. I choked for a while, and I then lost my vision. As my vision became unclear, I stopped breathing. I became pale, paler than I was before. My wounds were hurting, but not as much. I felt the tears rolling down my wounded, and stitched face. My hair flopped over to one side, the red streak began to go onto my eye. The red represent my blood, that's in my opinion. I loved the color because that's what I've seen. I've only seen blood, never seen anything but darkness and blood, I was blind of colors. The bucket of tears weren't filled with tears. It was actually filled with drops of blood. Tears weren't water to me, tears were my blood. The last words that escaped from my mouth was, I love you. Even if I didn't know who it was. She could've helped me, but I didn't want to put her life at risk. I love her, even if I don't know her. Even if she was from my dreams, or my head just creating an imagination. I don't care if she never existed. I love her.

-Ethan.