The Baby Cries in Black and White (journal + poetry)

Valentine's Prologue

I wish I could go back to the first time we kissed
And this time,
Yeah I'd hope he'd miss
I wish I could go back to the boy
Asking me out for a dare
His friends laughing as their voices changed
No longer kids but far from grown
I wish I could go back to the moment
I last felt happy about my body
And maybe this time
I wouldn't mess it up
Yeah this time I'd know
I wish I could go back to second grade
When I thought I'd marry that boy
The one who treated me so nicely
And then stopped talking to me
By the time we were in high school
And I wish I could go back
To the very moment
That I drew blood from my skin
On my own accord
And again and again
And again
Until even I got tired of it
I wish I could go back
To when I was watching Little Bear on TV
Colouring outside of the lines
Creating my own ideas
And tell myself that real life will never be kind
And to turn back while you can
And I wish I could go back
To before you liked me
Because I can't give you anything back
Except my hand when you need a friend
Leave before you have to leave
I am a specimen deserving of loneliness
Leave me be