Existing

Originally I had planned to compare and contrast epic love throughout history. I'd list qualities that I believe a soulmate has, and then explain what I think finding that person would mean, but in the end I felt it was too formal for a journal entry. So here I am, less than 24 hours before the deadline, wadding up my old material and tossing it in the trash.

Recently a cousin who I consider a sister overdosed on street drugs. I won't go into details, because 1) it's not my story to tell, and 2) it would take far more than 500 words to do it justice. 

Why mention it then? 

It's one of the biggest things taking place in my life right now. The only other thing that could rival its magnitude is the birth of my nephew, but I'll come back to that later. 

My cousin's near death has been a hard slap to the face. What I thought I knew, what I thought to be right, how I expected to navigate life: everything has been recast. It was like speeding down the highway of life and suddenly having the glass burst out of the windows on the vehicle I was driving. A folder labeled ME in the passenger seat spews papers that subsequently hurtle out of the openings where windows used to be. I stomp the brakes, get out of the car, and attempt to salvage what I can. 

The trail of papers is a mile long. Traffic is worse than an interstate during rush hour on a Friday before Christmas. Some of the papers can't be found, many of them have been damaged beyond repair, others will have to be recreated from incomplete pages, a scant few are found intact, and everthing is forever changed. 

It's a wake up call; reality smashing through my subconscious and bellowing, "YOU COULD BE NEXT, SOLDIER." Not that I'm an addict or a stranger to hardship. I'm certainly no soldier. I had grown complacent. I was alive, but I wasn't living. It took my cousin nearly dying to open my eyes to that.

Now you may be wondering where my opinion on a soulmate comes in, and how any of this describes what it means to find that person; you'd be right to wonder. It appears that I've been rambling without purpose, but to help bring us full circle here's a quote from the movie That Awkward Moment, Ellie states, "Being there for someone when they need you, that's all relationships are." 

I believe finding your soulmate means gaining someone who will help pick up the pieces when life leaves you on the side of the road desperately searching for what you've lost. It means having someone there to share your happiness as you cuddle a bundle of joy that's a beacon of light in the face of darkness. You could argue that's any good friend, and that may be true, but finding your soulmate means never simply existing again.