Goddess Box

1 dad, 2 dad, three...

Act 1: A note to him that I will put in a bottle full of rocks and drop into the ocean

Hello?

You were my first one, the man who conceived me. Didn't know what you were doing, didn't plan for me. If I saw you on the street I'd just walk on by. I wouldn't even realize you were the man who made my mama cry. You're no longer of any consequence to me. Why did you leave? Dad.... Can I even call you that? Feels so wrong to say it because you're a stranger to me. I never really asked about you. It just didn't occur to me. But I heard your story anyway, the one of you and me. Most of it doesn't matter. You probably don't recall... But when I came into the world you weren't around to hear my call. People held out hope and you came to the house one day. You talked to mom a little and she brought you in to see me. I was small and helpless then, did you not care for me? I can't speak to how you were feeling but this is how the story goes; barely glancing over the crib you turned your back around. Shortly after that you were gone and I never grew to know the man that I share blood with, the man I should have known. Excuse me, stranger, I have to ask again, why did you leave? You were my first and meant to be my only but you turned your back on everyone and left a broken family. Did you ever stop to consider the child you created? Or did I seem repulsive? I was simply the consequence of your mistake and the source of all your problems.

Is anybody there?

Act 2: Words I wish were poison that burned the flesh to char

You... you made me feel guilty for everything you did to me. You saw a small sweet child, you planned it from the start. A quiet girl, good tempered, with a soft and luscious heart. Your aim was locked, your victim the chosen one, you lick your lips thinking of young and supple skin. I don't know what to call you, you don't deserve the title that you bore. For thirteen years I called you that while you treated me like a whore. Nothing with you was ever right. I was never your daughter. To you I was just an object, a plaything in the night. You monster! How could you? Every time you touched me I slipped further into dark. You gave me pills and other things that made me fall asleep but you never waited till I was unconscious to slip your fingers inside me. I remember... But I never understood all the years of abuse. I cut myself and cried and imagined how wonderful it would be if I just died. Alone and used my mind fell apart but no one seemed to notice. You vile thing, you insidious disease! You robbed me of everything; my mind, my heart, my childhood, my innocence, happiness, and purity. I sank deeper in to hell and the nothingness that you were making me be. Every night you came to take me and I prayed for it to stop. For years the best that I could do was just try to continue breathing. Now you are the second man to leave my life and I don't even care. I cannot pretend that you mean anything to me after all the years. I found my voice and used it and you have reason to be scared. For it is my greatest weapon and all of them know about your dark deeds. They are looking for you.

Act 3: Things that I keep hidden in the hollow of my heart

Then there was you. You're here and everything is strange again. You gave me a new sister but I haven't called you dad. From the very begging I've kept my eye on you, from the first moment I've analyzed everything you do. You seem to be funny, kind, and sweet but experience has showed me that nothing is as it seems. I am told that you care about me but I've never heard you say the words and my heart holds it in doubt. I know if I start trusting you it'd be my fault if you broke my heart. Yet... I wish it were not true, hope still lives inside of me and I've been watching you. It seems there is a chance that you could be the one who will bring this broken family into your loving arms. It kills me every time I try to decide weather you are worthy of my trust or not. Should I let you in? You help around the house and love my new sister deeply but appearances are deceitful in matters of the heart. I was giving you a chance and I opened up my arms but one night I heard you talking and the words that came out of your mouth froze me and my world fell apart. Betrayal, distrust, underestimation. I cried myself to sleep that night because I had thought that you believed I'm me and my recovery. Now, you are my third. Though I haven't called you that. But what scares me the most about all of this is that, in spite of everything my body still holds the capacity for hope. I let you in again and now I think I have made a mistake for I never found out if it was in your intensions to stick around or not. Please tell me that when things get thick you will stay true to who I think you are and stand by your new family.

1 dad, 2 dad, three...

Do you even want me?