At Bedtime; sequel to 'Lucky Duck'

Back Again; Chapter 2

"Seriously?! You can't keep doing this! if you want to see Lucy, come regularly. I can't keep lying to her like you can! Don't skip every other week and expect us to come running back into your arms because you are giving us 'space' because no matter how much you give us, it won't fix anything. You can't fix anything. We are broken, our relationship. And there is no fixing it."

"I just want to see Lucy."

I sigh, I can't keep this from happening when it's what she wants too. "Fine, for a day. but you have to promise to come back next week. And I'm only doing this because she always asks for you, not because I forgive you."

"I understand and I'm so sorry Bear. I will try my hardest to come every week."

"Well, for how long I've known you, your hardest is never good enough. And don't call me that anymore."

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On nights like these, I would take baby Lucy into my room and cuddle with her. I would lie awake and look at her little feet, her little hands, her small belly, her thin blonde hair, her small features... that's when the tears escape my eyes every time. I can't look at her without thinking of him. Her small button nose resembles his. Her lips look like his. Even her ears remind me of him. The worst is in the morning when I see those striking blue eyes.

I hold her tight and think of when I knew he loved me. When I thought he would never leave me.

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"Don't leave me" I say as I hug him tighter near the entrance of the plane.

"Brennan," he whispers. "look at me." so I did, but I couldn't see him very well, my tears blocked my precious vision. "you know I would never leave you if I didn't have to. I will be back before you know it. I promise." he said as he gave me one last kiss, then leaned down to my small baby bump and whispered something to our child. I grabbed his hand tighter as the time crept closer that he would have to board the plane. I had a bad feeling about this. What if his plane crashed? What if he meets someone better than me? what if he breaks his promise?

When the time came, Sadie had to come and pull me away. Tears streamed down my face, and through them, I saw the broken face of the boy I loved being pushed up the steps of the airplane.

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I heard the door open from upstairs and walked down with Leo in my arms to greet my handsome husband Adam. "Hi babe," he said as he kissed my lips. "Hey little buddy," he said to our five month old son as he ticked his tummy. He took Leo from my arms and asked where the other kids were.

"Lucy is with Luke, Peter is sleeping, and so are Jodi and Maisey," I said. Leo, Jodi and Maisey are my five month old triplets, Peter is three, and Lucy is eight.

"Oh, do you want to talk about anything?" he knows me so well. He knows that when Luke is here, I get worked up and need to talk about it.

"We can talk tonight," I say with an unconvincing smile. He smiles empathetically back.

"Ok, I will be down in a second love," he said as he kissed my cheek and went upstairs to our room, giving Leo back to me. We live in California now, in the city of Cupertino. I like it here, it's always sunny and there are a lot of places to take the kids. Much more interesting than Illinois. It seemed to me that California was a new start, Illinois only held painful memories of the past.

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I sat in my room at my old house crying my eyes out. I hadn't seen Luke in over a year and I was beginning to loose hope that he would ever come back. He missed Lucy's birth. He wasn't there when I needed him. He wasn't even on call. I haven't talked to him for a year now. That scares me. What if Lucy has to grow up with a dad, like I had to grow up without my mom?

I heard three soft knocks on the door and then felt warm arms embracing me. I looked up to see my father. He sat down on my bed and took my hands. I continued to cry as he looked at me. "Bear," he said.

"Daddy," I said and cuddled into his chest. "is this how you felt when mom died?"

"Yes Bear. But you have to remember, he is not dead, there is hope, and you also have an amazing daughter that needs her mother."

"Your right," I said sitting up and wiping my eyes.

"Adam is here to see you." he said, and I sat up straight, I hadn't seen Adam in almost two years.

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Sorry if this is confusing. I will answer any questions you have :)