The World Without Power

Hailey's journal

I hate my life the things that are bad always happen to me the hurtful people hurt me more. The more I think about my life I cry and just feel hatred. I hate the fact I lost John and I hate that I can't even dare to open that journal I want to burn it but... I can't do that to my only history behind my family and my past I will have my daughter put my journal in my history but I just can't stand being in the walls for any longer. I want to go explore and have fun with someone but the fact is I can't, I have my city to look after and without me they are nothing. Everyone is nothing without me they can't survive without my decisions. I will never get freedom from these walls,from these people. I just can't live anymore and I can't live this way anymore. I can't do this I can't to this life I want to die just hide and fall asleep and never wake up. This is all I can write anymore I can't think of it anymore. I hate that there is so much stress and drama in this world it really gets annoying to listen to everyone's problems and not having them there to listen to my problems I thought John would he never did... Just when all the people I thought that would support me didn't I just broke down I hate my life I hate that people come in my life and they just leave... leave me in darkness they leave me hurt and I burning down inside of the dreams I wish I once had. All I ever wanted was to be with him but he did that to me. I tried my best to show him we had so much in common but he just threw that away. I would be there for him right now if I could forgive him I just can't do it I can't see myself with such an uncaring person. Oh what am I thinking he cared it was just too much and I miss understood him. I will forgive him one day. I just don't know when but I will forgive him one day. I miss him and I get jealous when he is trying to get with other girls. Do I love him? Do I really care that much about him? What if he feels the same way what if he really wanted a second chance and I ruined it? What if he wanted forgiveness and he was really sorry about what he did and it was just a misunderstanding? What if just missing him isn't enough what if loving him wasn't enough what if showing him I care didn't cut it?

Am I really that bad to him? Was I really that mean? Did I hurt him too much? I feel so horrible I feel so lifeless. I feel so horrible and I am so sorry. He really got me through rough times I shouldn't have yelled at him. If I could go back and stop myself I would I would go back and tell him I loved him and that I am sorry. It just hurts knowing he is out there thinking of me I was mean to him he stayed positive and I should be glad he is over me but I can't thinking he is with some other girl and I feel so jealous. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way especially with hayden around for me. But what if I was supposed to be with him and I just never realized. That He cared so much and that I cared so less he was always willing to forgive my mistakes and my flaws but I just held grudges and looked at his flaws like they meant something I hate I can't just forgive him on my own like I just can't do this anymore. I hate this, I hate everything about everyone and about life in general. I am done thinking of John anymore I must move on or else I will just keep remembering this and keep hurting I might as well just end it here.

June 17,2211

This is what she wrote I still miss her and she is still a bit hurt over the past. I feel so sorry for my mom it's just she is having a hard time and I just hate seeing her that way. As I said John is her great friend and I love him she loves him as for him he is my father. Hayden just didn't make her feel better like John did so she forgave him. I just feel happy for both of them my mom is amazing and my dad is just so caring and nice to everyone. He helps my mother out so much. He is always at my mom's side whenever she needs him and she is always there for him also. They are both the greatest parents ever and I couldn't ask for anyone better.

June 18,2211

It's my 12 birthday today and my mom and dad planned something special for it. I will write what happened tomorrow.