I always hated to crawl back to something that I've grown to not like. Especially after I had something sorted out in my life. There was nothing wrong. It was like a clearing in a stormy sky once I ran into Minhyuk's arms. After I followed my mother's orders.
I always hated that feeling of realizing how much something means to you after you are separated from it. Where you can never get a wink of sleep because the thought of it constantly wakes you.
I always hated an empty feeling, even though everything was right. I knew during those couple years of being away that that was what I was missing. How could I admit it to myself? Instead, I locked it away.
But I guess those are just pieces of life, and ones that just had to seep into the depth of my mind in the middle of the night. A soft dream with cream colored light and flowers was interrupted as I faced the silo. I stopped in the field, wearing a white dress and no shoes. I could feel the soft grass brushing my bare skin as I crept towards the dark silo that stood out against the beautiful and open landscape.
Pieces began to fall from the sides, yet I continued walking. The siding had completely broken off; the inside completely exposed. My heart began beating faster as I continued forward. Lying in the remains of the silo was a ghostly body. I knew this thing well.
He's not a thing! I heard myself yelling. He has a name!
Wonho's figure was plastered against the green grass. His eyelids were gently closed and he looked at peace. Except, I knew he wasn't. He wasn't... living. But could I even call it living? Is it possible for someone to die twice?
The world around me began to transform from sunny skies to dark and threatening clouds. The wind blew through the grass as the flowers wilted away. Wonho's body began to vanish like he really was going for good this time. I reached out to grasp the shadow that just barely lingered. The dark color slipped from my finger, leaving me to shutter awake.
My open eyes locked on the ceiling. There was a light sheen of sweat on my forehead from the nauseous feeling creeping into my stomach. My room felt twenty degrees warmer than when I settled into bed.
I slipped on a pair of shoes and grabbed a flashlight before heading outside into the autumn night. My dream, or nightmare I should say, seemed to haunt me. What if Wonho really was gone?
But why would I care anymore?
I pushed back my sleeve to stare at the faded white lines streaked down my arm. Scars left by Wonho. I didn't want anything to do with him. He hurt me in both physical and emotional ways by pushing me out of his existence. Minhyuk is who I needed.
My stubborn thoughts didn't seem to convince me otherwise. My legs already carried me most of the way to the silo. I was just going to check on him, then leave. He can't leave the silo. I'll be completely fine as long as I don't go in.
The flashlight lit up the rusted surface of the silo. "Wonho?" I called. A sudden stirring echoed against the inner walls. I was almost surprised to hear such an immediate sound.
"Miyoung?" A croaky voice came in return. His moonlight skin soon appeared at the window with eyes that were droopy and tired looking.
"You look worn out," I mentioned. My foot scuffed on the ground from my nervous feeling.
Wonho started to yawn while nodding. "I was just sleeping."
"I thought you didn't need sleep, or even could, since you're... dead."
A sad look crossed his expression which sent a pang to my heart. "I don't know what's happening to me," he admitted. "Not only have I grown tired, but I think I'm starting to get hungry. I'm even feeling different emotions that I haven't been able to feel for one hundred years."
I could feel my eyebrows lower in my own confusion. "How long has this been happening?"
"Ever since that last day you visited me." His eyes lingered on my arm where he left the scars. I unintentionally started to rub the area. "I really didn't mean to lash out at you like that. I can't believe I hurt you."
"Why are you sorry about it? I thought you told me you are a beast and could kill me if you wanted to."
Wonho continued to keep his gaze away from my eyes. "The thing is, I am evil. Unworthy of something so pure and beautiful like you. I would corrupt you. I'm ruthless and will tear anything apart if I wanted, but when it comes to you, I can't see myself taking your life away from you. That's why I'm sorry I was so angry. I'm feeling things that I didn't know I could."
A certain courage finally built in me that let me to take a couple steps forward. "What kind of feelings?"
"Jealousy," Wonho immediately responded. "That I know for sure. Whenever I see you with Minhyuk, it feels like a needle is slowly being pushed farther inside my chest. I can't really depict anything else, but I know that it's strong. Strong enough to make me cry."
"You cried?" My worries began to rise even higher.
Wonho simply nodded and left a silence to hang over us. After a few long moments, Wonho eventually broke the quiet atmosphere. "How long has it been? Two years? Are you still with Minhyuk?"
"Yes, I am. I-"
My sentence was abruptly stopped as a shriek boomed from behind me. I flinched with a squeal.
"MIYOUNG!" My mother cried. Her face was twisted with rage. She wrapped her robe tighter around her torso while stomping my way. My wrist was nearly crushed in her gasp as my mother yanked me away.
"I am absolutely horrified and disgusted about what I just saw," she finished through clenched teeth.
I knew I was about to get it.
