Burning Pain (Snape x reader)

Burning Pain

Your hands were shaking as you picked up the framed picture. His picture. You hadn't touched nor seen it in years. It had slowly slipped behind all the other photos you owned and you felt guilty because you had just let it happen. His face disappeared from your chimney, covered by portraits of all the cats you owned. Only to fight your loneliness. It felt like you had pushed him out of your head, trying hard to forget about his existence. You never really managed though. And no matter how hard you tried to fall in love with someone else, it didn't work. And now he was dead.

It wasn't that someone had told you about it. You just knew. There was a feeling as if one of your cats had dug it's claws deep inside your heart. There was no way to misunderstand this feeling. He was gone. Forever. Finally, the chance was gone. You had excused yourself over and over again. You always told yourself that now wasn't the right moment to tell him that you had fallen in love with him. Because you knew he didn't love you. He loved this little Potter girl, even though she didn't love him back. Even though the pain threatened to eat him up from inside. Even though the fire of envy and loss raged inside of him. Consuming everything and greedily stretching it's hand, trying to take his life. Even though Lily broke his heart you never had a place in his life and you never would.

Tears fell on the glass covering his beautiful face. His black and always greasy hair. His wide black and blue robes. As if he'd still be there. You fixed your watery gaze on his black eyes and he was directly staring back at you. And you saw that he pitied you. A shiver ran down your spine as you remembered how you had taken the photo.

It had been a sunny day and you had finally finished your last exams. Together with all the other pupils you had been outside near the lake. In front of the great castle you lived and studied in. Hogwarts. You observed him, the boy you always loved, while you were sitting in the shadow of a tree. Not really part of the community. Quickly taking pictures of him in different poses without him noticing. He was not part of the community either and he too was observing someone. Lily who he obviously had a crush on. While staring at her he also tried to avoid James attention who always bullied him.

You hated James. And you hated poor Lily but you always managed to hide your feelings from her. It wasn't her fault that he didn't love you. That he didn't even notice you no matter how hard you tried to comfort him. It always hurt you seeing how James teased him. You always were about to start crying when you saw this happen, but you forced the tears to stay where they were. You were quite good at hiding and acting. Good enough. As long as someone was around.

As soon as you were alone the facade crashed and you stood there, broken and naked. Unable to control your feelings. You lost control over yourself over and over again and it made you feel miserable. Tears literally splashing, you sank to your knees as your legs failed to carry you any longer and you just lay there, not even trying to overcome your weakness. It broke you but you still let it happen because you didn't have the slightest chance to stop it. Anyway you didn't have the will to even try. This burning feeling was consuming you. It made it hard for you to breath and sometimes you wished that your body would just stop working. Completely and forever. This seemed to be an easy way to escape.

Your body never failed you and you never made your body fail. You just went on, watching him during lessons (which hardly ever happened as he was a Slytherin and you were not), during break, while he ate, while he studied (and he studied a lot due to the fact that he didn't have any friends and time get's long when you don't have no one to talk to), while he was bullied (which was the only time you didn't enjoy staring at him) and while he stared at Lily. He grew more and more unhappy and you gave up your efforts to comfort him as it just didn't work. You saw him graduating and did the same. Then your paths divided. He became a teacher at Hogwarts and you got a job in the Ministry of Magic.

You never met again but you stared at his file once in a while, just to know if he was still okay. Then Voldemort came and you couldn't stop crying for days on end when you got to know that your big love became a death eater.

You then stopped looking for information because you just didn't want to know whom he killed and when and where. Until the day the Potters ( Lily and James had married soon after graduating) died. As soon as you heard of this incident you took off. Because you knew, that he would be there. He still loved Lily, you were sure about this and now she was gone. You knew it was cruel to think like his but you loved that she was gone. It was a happy day for you because of this. And because Voldemort had fallen.

You had apparated to Godric's Hollow and there was the house of the much hated family. You entered fast and without hesitation, rushed upstairs as you couldn't find anyone downstairs and there he was. He sat in the dust of the destroyed house, weeping and tossing back and forth and clenching the body of Lily Potter against himself. You just stood there and watched him. You didn't dare to go nearer because for the very first time you were absolutely sure that now was the worst moment ever to tell him. He was lost in his pain and so were you. And in this very moment you realized that he would never let himself love you. Your heart ached and cried out. Unable to move you stayed for just a few more moments than you lowered your eyes.

"I love you, Severus Snape. And I always will even though you're unable to see" , you murmured. In the split-second before you disapparated you though that you had seen him turning his head at you. But your were already gone.
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Hope you liked this short Snape x reader thing. I didn't mention your house so you're free to choose one (unless Slytherin, I'm sorry). Vote if you liked it. Thanks ^-^