I'm laying in bed, looking out the window. It's pitch black outside. I see my phone's notification light flashing. I ignore it.
I can't sleep. The pain is overwhelming and my mind can't ease. Multiple sclerosis sucks. Depression sucks. Insomnia doesn't help either.
The hallway lights just went on and my dad is going berserk. It lasts for a while. And he stormed of to his room, hammering the door shut behind him. I hear my mom sulking in the living room. It went quite after a while.
I look towards my school bag next to my desk, where I hide my cigarettes. Hoping my dad doesn't find them. Otherwise I am as good as dead. I so badly need a smoke, but I'm going to have to hold out until morning.
I picked up my phone, switched it on. Good grief. I forgot to turn down the brightness. The light almost blinds me. I turn the brightness down in a hurry. And saw the message was once again, just someone that needs my help with something. People always asks me for help. And then I do help. I'm always there for others. Although I never get a favour in return.
Me, with my thoughts alone. Never a good thing. All I can think of is suicide.
The temptation to cut again is taking over. I sit up straight and reach towards my drawer next to my bed. I take out a blade. Suddenly I get a burning sensation all over my legs. Its my previous cuts. I only cut on my legs. Then others can't see them.
I roll up my pants. And I start cutting away. Not skin deep. Tree, four centimeters deep.
I'm crying. I can't handel everything anymore. All my friends left me. I fail at everything I attempt. I just can't anymore. I'm just a waste.
Without even realizing, I cut through an artery. I stopped cutting and started the regular procedure to stop the blood. After 10 minutes of bleeding out I finally got it to stop.
What a mess. I took deep breath. And just decided enough is enough.
I stood up and sat in my chair. It squeaks as a sat down. I unclip my gun. It's a 45 cal. I've almost used it before. On myself. Ironically. On my birthday. But then I got a message from someone. And it made me reconsider.
I check my phone one last time, nothing.
I sigh as I realized I'm a true failure.
I picked up my gun and raised it up to my head. I closed my eyes and started to squeeze....
