A Love That Will Never Compare

Chapter 1 ~A Lit Bit About Being Toni~

I always wonder what "love" is. Well real "love" is anyways. Not the type of love like the cute shit with holding hands, walks through the park, and random kisses. No, I mean someone who will go to war for you. Someone who calls just to see if you're okay.
Maybe a text there a letter here. I've never had someone genuinely care about me. That may sound sad to say but it's true. It doesn't bother me much anymore. 20 years and I'm used of it.

"TONI!" My mom yelled.
"Yes ma!"
No response back.
"Toni! Toni! Hurry come quick!"

I hopped out of my bed in my dungeon (my room). Quickly sprinting up the stairs almost falling on my face.

"Yo, ma what's wrong?!"

As I'm panting up the last step. I walk into the living room. While I'm approaching her, she's just sitting there with a letter in a hand.

"Ma, what is it?" I said with my hands on my hips.
She glances up from the letter with her red square librarian glasses almost hanging off her nose.
"Toni... I've got some news..."

Slowly I felt my heart sinking. Thinking someone must've died or something tragic has happened. I'm standing there waiting for her to open her mouth so I can't stop shaking.

"I'm moving to Cabo" she turned her head at me.
"YOU'RE MOVING?! With who?!"
"With bobby. He just sent this letter saying all my problems are over and he wants to give me a new life .. He I-"
"Wait a minute. You're moving with bobby?! When?! You don't even really KNOW BOBBY?! What about me and Natalia?!"
"Now, WAIT JUST A GODDAMN MINUTE!?"

The room began rising with tension. Silence broke in the room.

"Now, look. Toni you are 20 YEARS OLD and Natalia is 16 years old she can choose to come with or stay. But as for you .... you're old enough to survive on your own."

I was in disbelief. My own mother was going to just throw me out- well leave me here in the whole state of Georgia by myself. I wasn't surprised though she has always showed resentment towards me since the day I was born.

"Well, nice to see you'll do more for one daughter than the other. Hope it works out with bobby. Hope this one doesn't walk out on you." I snapped.

I walked away before she could say another word. Me and my mother never got along since birth.

But it's another story when it comes to my little sister Natalia. Natalia has always been the "golden child" or the "prize child". Natalia can get anything she wants from my mom. Natalia never does anything wrong in my mom's eyes.

One time I was walking home from school because I had extra work that was due and I don't have time to it at home because my mother treats me as if I'm her maid or her "do-girl".

School used to get out at 3:00pm but this one particular day I stayed after a little later than usual. I left about 6:30ish sometimes I used to stay later to tutor people in English. As I exited out the school doors I started power walking down this trail that took about 10mins to get home.

Next thing you know, I hear rustling in the bushes. So, I started walking faster damn near almost jogging. I slowly grabbed my pocket knife that had GT engraved on the side of the blade. I heard footsteps behind me, and they were getting faster and faster. Before I was able to burst in full speed someone had hit me on the back of the head. I started seeing stars. My legs gave out and I passed out. I woke up a little bit after the blow to the head to someone in a black hoodie. I couldn't see their  face it was dark and the street lights were on but not on the trail I took home from school.  The black figure was on top taking advantage of me. Looking for my pocket knife it seemed to have slid across the concrete. I began kicking and punching. I dug my nails into the rapist dick.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!"

I took my right foot and used full force and kicked him right in the middle of his head and grabbed everything I could see in eye sight of me. Then I ran the rest of the way home.

When I made it home that night I was covered in dirt skid marks on my white washed jeans and blood that surrounded the crotch area of my jeans. My black zip up jacket was ripped in different areas and my hair was all over the place  and I had tears coming down my face. I just stood in the door way hoping my mother would give me some kind of sympathy and tell me everything is going to be okay.

My mother took one look at me and said

"Wash up and cook me dinner I don't want any of that shit you have on you in my food."

My mother didn't even ask me "are you okay? What happened?" Nothing. That night I had to do what she asked and face that the only person who cares and got me .. is me. I can only be strong for myself.

Now my sister Natalia when was the age of 12. She had this boyfriend name Tucker Crimsby he was mixed with Columbian and Caucasian. Natalia and tucker were dating for about two months. My sister lost her virginity to him (as far as I know.) and she got pregnant.

When my mother found out, she was happy. She was comforting my sister! Isn't that absurd? Fucked up?

My mother was condoning that being pregnant at the age of 12 is okay?! But me being raped when I was 16 didn't matter?

My sister had a miscarriage shortly after. And my mother was on all fours making sure she was okay. In her eyes Natalia is her favorite daughter and will always be her favorite. She believes she will always succeed no matter what. Me and Natalia don't have a bond either. I stay out of her way and she stays out of mine. Sometimes I feel like cinderella because- (well you know the story).