The Handcuff Effect

Prelude

Life throws you a lot of doozies sometimes. Like lemons, but worse. Sometimes it's a perpetual stutter that takes years to train away, or maybe you had to wear braces for the better part of your teen life. Maybe you had to wear glasses until you were fifteen before your parents finally let you upgrade to contacts.

All of those things pale in comparison to being handcuffed to your crush. Believe you me, I know. So maybe I didn't have the stutter, but the braces and the glasses? That was my life.

Eugh, I know, right? Some things are just plain unfortunate.

Anyway, as I was saying about the doozies. It's particularly unfair if you get handcuffed to that girl or that guy who's, let's face it, is just plain annoying. Who just talks and talks and talks and talks but never really has anything to say. Unfair becomes sheer bad luck if you are handcuffed to say, your worst enemy in the entire universe. That particular scenario will be dealt with for as little time as possible.

But bad luck becomes just plain cruel Murphy's Law when you get handcuffed to your crush. I bet you're all thinking 'dude, is she nuts? Is that not the greatest thing to ever possibly happen?' right now, but I'll tell you once and once only, you are so dead wrong it hurts. No, I literally want to cry.

Because who in their right mind wants to let their crush see the inside of their underwear draw? My point exactly.

Look, some things you just can't hint at, or gloss over with curious indifference. This is a story that I will probably tell my grand kids. And great grand kids, and great great grand kids, you know, if I live that long. Because it's a story, and a damn good story at that.

Because how many people get handcuffed to Nathan Montgomery in their lifetime?

Well, that would be one now.