The Handcuff Effect

11

I've never really been bullied. Not just because my best friend is super popular, but because I got in so well with everyone else that I simply dear to become a target. Well, that's exactly what I thought until second period hospitality.
Taking my seat behind the stainless steel bench, I dropped my head into my hands, trying to soothe from it the many complicated formulas it had just ingested. I heard Nathan take a seat awkwardly beside me, since I'd just dropped down without a thought as top how he was supposed to fit. Gosh, I was a terrible human being.
Just as I looked up to offer an apology, a sheet of paper skidded to a stop in front of me. At first I thought it might've been him, asking if I was okay. So naturally, a stab of  disappointment shot through me when I recognized the feminine slant to the writing. When I read the note, the  disappointment turned to humiliation.
Did you sleep with him or something to get him to defend you last class or something? There's no way he did that for nothing.
I felt my jaw set and I glanced around to see if anyone had noticed. My gaze locked with Anna's and I watched a smirk twist at her lips. Looking back down, I reread the note twice before I became aware of a pair of deep blue eyes watching me. Or more importantly, the note.
I looked up at Nathan, whose eyes were squinted as he tried to make out the writing before I shielded it with my palm. His gaze shot to mine questioningly, but I just shook my head, before looking back at the note.
Glancing up, I caught Anna's eye again and stared at her, until her high pitched giggle rang out. Clenching my jaw, I scrunched the paper up and shoved it aside, grabbing at my notebook to jot down the notes Stevo had already started to scribe onto the board.
I got maybe two paragraphs down before another slip of paper floated over to me, looking as innocent as paper might. Dread curled unto my stomach, but I pushed it aside and read the note anyway. I seemed to be a glutton for punishment.
Of course not, it read, you're a frigid virgin with no real friends and a mum who's never around.
My stomach roiled almost painfully in my gut, and bile rose in my throat. I didn't even scrunch the paper this time, just shoved it far away as fast as I could.
Stevo, with the ears of a bat, heard the shifting paper and whipped around to face us all. His eyes zeroed in on me and he marched over.
'Passing notes, are we?' He asked condescendingly, reaching for the paper. I felt my heart stop dead and fall out my feet. 'I guess the class will get to hear the juicy gossip now.'
No. Please, no! I wanted to scream, but my throat remained sealed shut. Stevo daintily picked up the scrunched page first, opening it with the utmost care, speaking aloud as soon as he opened it. 'Did you sleep with him or something to get him to defend you last class? There's no way he did that for noth...' Stevo trailed off, but the damage was done. A few curious faces looked over at me, appraising me like the hot chips on a buffet table.
Silently, he picked up the second, taking more careful note of my pale complexion and most likely glassy eyes. His eyes scanned over it, a from creasing his forehead. He bent down to whisper to me. ' Who wrote this, Emma?' He asked. I shrugged noncommittally, refusing to make myself a bugger target by dobbing.
When he got nothing out of me, he spoke up. 'Bullying is a serious crime,' he began, staring at each person levelly in the eye before moving on to the next. 'If I catch any of you pulling stunts like this--' he waved the crumpled pages around emphatically, '--Not only will I involve the principle, but I will also involve the police.'
He continued on lecturing for another ten minutes, trough which I gradually sunk lower and lower into my chair.
By the time the bell went, I was surprised that I hadn't cried. Nathan had remained terrifyingly silent, not making a sound above the scratching of his pen on his paper as he drew pictures into the margin. And then out of the margin.
I left the classroom in a daze, and even when Anna shoved into me on the way out and whispered, 'Teacher's pet,' harshly into my ear, I didn't react. I just took it.
Took it like a completely unrecognised martyr.
I was so pathetic.
Nathan nudged my arm as we headed back to the lockers. 'What'd the second note say?' He asked.
I shrugged and hiked my bag higher up my shoulder. 'Nothing important.'
'Burger...' He began, turning to face me, but I looked away and he sighed. 'Do you at least want to get her back?'
I shook my head no and crouched at my locker, opening it and shoving my bag in it. I heard Nathan do the same after a pause and a long sigh. I supposed that fighting back came easily to him. He did it in a way that had the whole school talking, and not about a punch up. I had no experience with any type of bully, and honestly, I didn't want to get on anyone's bad side. Or worse side.

Yes, I had no spine. I was officially a spineless freak, but that was okay because I knew that Stace wouldn't care what Anna had said, and no one was ever stupid enough to believe the compulsive liar. Seriously. They'd have to create a whole new level of 'dumb' for that one.

As soon as we sat down at the wooden table, completely foodless, I might add, Stace was practically on top of me. Her face was close to mine as she hissed out angry expletives. Somewhere amongst them, I'm sure was a conversation. I just had to concentrate a little to find it. Or concentrate a lot. Wow, that girl could beat a sailor in a swearing contest.

'What else did that little bitch say?' I managed to decipher from Stace's garble.

I shrugged. 'Just... stuff.' When she paused and looked at me, I widened my eyes slightly, purposefully looking around us as if trying to scount for people. She got the message. Too many ears.

'I'm gonna kill that little toad.' She snarled. 'Seriously. Hasn't she got a life? She just has to pick on people who are clearly much better than her! She's such a low life.' I made a sound in the back of my throat that could've passed for agreement, if you listened really, really hard. Stace continued, and I let her vent. Stace blew off steam by bitching. I blew off steam by... not. Distantly, I heard someone yell 'Heads up!', but ignored it, turning my attention back to Stace. 'I can't wait to get my other hand back so I can throttle the little s--'

Stace was cut off by a loud squeal. I whipped my head around to see Nathan sitting next to me with a satisfied smirk on his lips, Jared so far gone that he wasn't even laughing aloud anymore and Anna's entire upper body inside a bin. 'Wha--?' I began to ask, but Jared had recovered enough to begin recounting the story.

'Aw, damn, Emma. You just missed the greatest stunt of all time! We threw that banana peel over near the bin, made sure Ben had a footy in his hand when Anna was walking past and bam!' He disolved into chortles that were somewhat mortifying to the common senses.

Nathan took over when it seemed apparent that there was no coming back a second time for Jared. 'Ben only took Anna's attention away from where she was walking.' He mumbled. 'S'not our fault she can't miss a banana skin when she sees one.' He grinned in amusement at the memory, I'd assume. I nearly rolled my eyes at him. Just like Nathan to make no big deal of it, to play innocent, like it was all simply bad timing.

I should have felt happy bubbles in my tummy at the thought of Nathan doing this for me, but instead, my head swirled around the terrifying thought of-- what if it had gone wrong? Now that I thought about it, all Nathan's plots and schemes had a lot of potential for serious damage. One falsely anticipated move and someone could wind up in the hostpital. The fact that no one had yet was a small miracle. Either Nathan Montgomery was an expert on the art of luck, or he was almost impossibly good at reading people.

Once again, I made an almost indiscernable noise, so that everyone who heard it could take it as they wanted.

I stayed quiet for the rest of the day, and when we walked home that afternoon insilence, I felt my bag slowly get heavier with the weight of the two pieces of paper that I'd stuffed into a pocket. Insecurities plagued me. Now I knew what Anna thought, but was there a chance that others thought the same thing, but unlike her, didn't want to mention it? I felt my gut drop.

So this is what it felt like to be bullied. It felt like crap, to be perfectly honest and I knew I wouldn't do a thing to stop it, for two simple reasons. Number one, I hated conflict. Number two, I had no spine.

Well, this was going to be a fun year.