Playing With Fire

1

Sorry guys 😂 this parts been done since I made the cover I've just been procrastinating so hard I haven't updated 😂 anyways enjoy thanks for reading and waiting 😂
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The blinding lights of the flash, the shutter clicking echoing through my head bouncing off the walls of my skull sinking into the pit of my soul. Smiling wider I turn my head to the side, casting a look over my shoulder like I was playing coy with the cameras. It was a game the whole thing, pretending to be happy, pretending that I didn't hear the shit they said about me behind my back, pretending I didn't read the slander and slutshaming, the badmouthing. As much as I hate the shit they printed I loved the attention more. I was what they said I was; an attention whore.
Playfully I whip around to look over my shoulder eating up all their cooing, loving, needing the way they called my name. Playfully laughing, the smile gracing my lips as I act happier then I feel on the inside. It's been awhile since I've felt the simple pleasures, like joy, love, genuine happiness, acting leaves you nothing but dead. The simplest emotions that I can act out so realistically I don't feel on a daily basis like normal functioning human beings. The overexerted humanity was nowhere to be found inside my size ten body.
But despite loving the attention, I hated the lack of privacy, the last thing I wanted was my body and my life plastered all over for people to make fun of. The attention was only fun when it was happening, the aftereffects were killer for my ego, but I lived in the moment, in the attention for now.

The next morning I have to get up at the ass crack of dawn I shuffle onto set in my pajamas with my hair unbrushed and in a bun, no makeup on, with a cup of coffee in one hand and my phone in the other.
"Miss Griffin?"
"Hm?" I turn my head to look at my assistant when I ram into someone. Hot coffee spills all down the front of me making me hiss in pain and make some weird throaty noise.
"Oh shit I'm so sorry." His baritone voice shakes me to the core, the rough voice sends my heart into a frenzy and my heat into a needy cesspool.
"Um, no it's um fine." I shake my head as I look away from him overwhelmed but the sudden rush of emotion.
"Not a good first encounter."
"No, it's not." I bite back the anxiety fluttering in my stomach. "Um Jared right?"
"Yeah and you're Lillian Griffin."
"Yeah." I flash him a shy smile before looking down at my shirt.
"I mean you're so..." He pauses when I look up at him.
"Lil." I look over to see my stylist motioning for me to move.
"Right, bye." I move past him, my shoulder hitting him slightly, making him step back.
Standing in front of the camera with my hair curled in the skimpy dress Alessandro wanted me to wear, with some kind of jacket that wasn't all that cute, but cost more than I'd ever spend, and a pair of pumps that were way to tall. I had my back to the camera, the jacket hanging off my left shoulder showing off the backlessness of the dress, my olive toned skin exposed to the flashing camera, my hair tucked off to one side I look back over my shoulder, a bored look on my face.
"Nice, now turn slightly, just your body." Francisco was the only man I let photograph me, he was the only person that knew all my good sides. Lexi, his partner was the only other one that was allowed to photograph me and that was only because she took the same pictures from a different angle. "Sit on the windowsill." Doing as instructed I set myself on the left side of the windowsill looking out over the bustling New York City streets, singing along to the music on my bluetooth speaker. Sharply I turn my heated gaze on the camera, just as the chorus picked up.
Smiling I stand up still singing shimmying my hips, my hands gliding through my hair as I turn my head away from the camera, side glancing at Francisco. Leaning back against the wall, my hands above my head as I slowly slide down the wall, one leg up and the other flat on the ground. "Never thought I'd be that girl, but then you fucked up my world." Laying flat against the floor as they snap pictures above me, the flash striking like lightning above me, blinding me. I keep moving, leaning on the window seat, still on the ground, I cast my gaze longingly out the window, leaning on my arm, and that would be the one to get me all the attention. When I look back at Francisco he's standing there behind him, watching me intently, dressed from head to toe in Gucci. He thought this was the best part of me, but he hadn't seen anything yet, our secret romance had just begun.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I thought for sure I was someone else. I felt like someone had taken over my body and replaced me with someone new, while leaving my soul in the hollow shell it left behind. Sighing I grab a handful of makeup wipes and get to work on clearing my face, when his captivating blue eyes capture the attention of my hazel ones.
"Jared." I turn around, facing him head on.
"You looked great out there." He mutters closing the space between us. Leaning back against the edge of the vanity I let my curls fall from my shoulders waiting for him to say something more about how I look. It was too new, too real, he had no idea who I really was, what I was really like. I was ready for a good game of cat and mouse, but he should know, I'm always the one that wins. I'm never the one to get attached.
"Well, it's what I do best." I slid myself back on the vanity top, his eyes trail down my body, over my half naked thighs to my bare legs. "Like what you see?" I press the sticky sweet sound into my voice, though I wasn't feeling any kind of sweetness or excitement.
"I have since I ran into you." He purrs, the lust in his eyes. For a split second I was envious of him so openly displaying emotion I wished I still felt.
"Yeah? Well you should know now I don't do all that sappy relationship crap."
"Prefect I don't either." That's what they all say, they all think it'll be easy, but what do I care, I'm never the one that gets hurt.
"Then we won't have an issue."
"I guess not." He grins smugly. "This stays just between us."
"I wouldn't have it any other way." I slide down off the vanity, shoving him back onto the couch before straddling his hips. His hands roam up the backs of my thighs to the hem of my dress. I feel a shock rush to my core making me jolt slightly, his hands gripping the edge of my ass, fondling the seam of my underwear, his fingertips pressing into my heat. I buck into him, the strain in his pants hitting me in just the right spot making me gasp quietly.
"Do that again." He mutters against my chest before his lips meet my collar bone. I shrug off the jacket letting it fall to the floor before bucking into him again, the same sound leaving my lips. He lets go of one of my cheeks to track into my dress, cupping my bare breast, the jolt hitting my core again. I was soaking the thin soft material of my thong, leaking onto his finger tips. Clearly my body knew what to feel even when I didn't. Slowly I slip my dress down off my shoulders, revealing my prompt buds to the chilled air, my olive skin flushed with need. Hungrily he latches onto me his fingers pushing the seam of my panties aside, when someone knocks on the door. He shoves me off of him too quick for comfort.
"Lil, we gotta go, do you need me to unzip your dress?"
"No, I've got it Stephanie." I call back glaring at Jared for throwing me to the other side of the couch. Now pissed I stand up from the couch and undress before getting into leggings and a hoodie.
"Lil." Jared says softly.
"It's Lillian." I snap.
"I didn't mean-"
"No, were keeping this between us, why wouldn't you throw me across the room." I slip into some fur boots before heading for the door. "You might want to wait before you leave."
"Lillian, I didn't-"
"I don't give a fuck." I snap at him before leaving him alone. It really didn't matter, I had too many other things to worry about even if I couldn't actually worry I sure as shit could pretend.

"Lillian." I wake up to a firm knock on the front door. Grunting I roll out of bed the plush carpet tickling the bottom of my bare feet, my shorts were giving me a wedgie and my shirt was half off at this point. "Lillian." The knocking comes again making me growl.
"Shut up, I'm coming." I open the front door to find the blue eyed chestnut haired man from two days ago. He pushes his way into my house, pulling off his hood. "What the hell are you doing here? How do you know where I live?"
"It's not important."
"Yeah it kind of is. Were you followed?"
"No, I made sure. But I had to come and see you after what happened the other day."
"Why?"
"What do you mean why? You were clearly mad."
"Clearly? Really?" I guess acting's just become second nature.
"Lillian." He sighs.
"What? I know it's not true." I laugh lightly sitting on the couch, tilting my head to the right as I look at him. "Why do you think I told you that I'm never the one that gets attached?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I don't feel anything. I've been an actress since I was nine, that's twenty years of the same repetitive bullshit."
"How do you not feel anything? You've won Oscars for your performance, Grammys at such a young age, you still do, the speeches you give move people to tears."
"It's all bullshit. I can fake my way through anything. My mom didn't realize that the lessons that were forcing me to exaggerate made me feel nothing in real life. Those classes were expensive, it's a shame she ended up paying for a robotic daughter."
"You can't not feel anything, that's not possible, you've just convinced yourself that you don't feel anything."
"Maybe, I don't really know anymore. Sometimes I'm so good I convince myself that I really felt it, other times I can't tell the difference. The line between reality and fantasy blurs and becomes unclear."
"But you orgasm, right?"
"Yes." I feel my lips tug into a smirk.
"So you feel something then."
"I think of it as my body automatically responding to the touch of another." I say seriously.
"You're not kidding?"
"No." I shake my head. "I really don't feel anything." He looks at me before glancing around.
"I'm telling you that's impossible. I'll prove it to you."
"Okay." I accept the challenge smuggly. "How will you do that?"
"Give me two weeks and I'll have you madly in love with me, like begging me on your hands and knees kind of love."
"Fine, but to keep your ego from deflating too soon, I'll give you three weeks." I flash him a smile before standing up. "But we're starting from the beginning, dating and all."
"Fine, I'll pick you up tomorrow at seven."
"Fine, are you going to tell me where you're bringing me or are you surprising me?"
"Surprise."
"Yeah, for me or you?"
"For both of us." He flashes me a grin before heading to the front door.
"Oh, Jared."
"Yeah?"
"Back door, I don't want people knowing about us still."
"Right." He smirks at me. "I don't either." He leans to kiss me but I back away.
"We haven't even had our first date." I tease.
"Right, tomorrow, seven."
"I'm not going to pretend to love you, you're just going to get hurt in the end."
"I beg to differ." He grins before leaving me.