Playing With Fire

9

I wake up to the sun pouring into a room I didn't recognize. When I rub the sleep from my eyes I realize I'm in Jays bedroom in his house. Turning over I search the other side of the bed for Jay but he's gone.
"Jay." I call out for him sitting up in his white sheets. I slip from the bed and head down to look for him. I find him over the stove on the phone. I choose not to bother him and intern for slip in the shower. I let the hot water cascade down my body as I lather in his manly scented shampoo. I realized that I was going to smell like him until I showered again. Everything smells like Gucci, or similarly so. When I get out of the shower going into his room to find a shirt, just looking at his things without touching anything. Pictures of him and Shannon, him his mom, his father another man that was probably his uncle, if he even had one I don't know, bottles of cologne that don't look like they've been touched, hand cream, a colm just a few random trinkets all littered his dresser top and side tables. It was neatly messy and made me love and appreciate him just that much more. I let the towel fall to the floor I slip into one of his shirts before going back downstairs.
"Morning beautiful." Jay smiles at me as he sets a plate on the island.
"Morning." I smile back sitting on the stool. "Jay."
"Yeah?"
"Tell me about your family." He smiles at me softly before leaning on his elbows to look at me.
"Well my mom was married before she had shannon and I when she was young they had a bit of a falling out and she moved out here. She met her current husband, but for the longest time it was just her, Shannon, and I. We had a really hard time getting somewhere in life, I've done some things I'm not proud of, but she always made sure we were happy, always had food on the table, something to keep our minds off our dad leaving. But that's really it."
"Can I meet her?" I ask popping a grape in my mouth from the bowl in the center of the island. "Well them."
"Of course."
"Tonight? Why don't you invite them over, here or my place and I'll cook everyone dinner."
"Why are you so cute?" He mutters teaching our to tuck back my hair. "You're nothing like you were when we first met."
"That's because I trust you now."
"I'll talk to Shannon and them, okay?"
"Okay." I grin at him my heart fluttering at the thought of meeting his family.
"Tell me more about your mom." My smile drops at the subject change.
"There's not much to tell about her." I shake my head trying not to bring up the memories I've long stored away.
"It's okay you'll tell me about her when you want to."
"Thank you."
"Sure."
"I mean it, for everything."
"Sure." He assures me again, smiling at me gently. I honestly couldn't figure out how I got so fucking lucky. I couldn't decipher when my luck had gone from shit to bliss, but it did, somehow in someway. He was like a miracle dropped down from the heavens if I believe in shit like that. With that he disappears leaving me in the kitchen with nothing to do but contemplate what tonight might be like. I was finally going to meet his parents, his brother. "Ava." He calls out to me gently holding out my phone to me.
"Who is it?"
"Your mom." I stare at him a second before taking my phone from his outstretched hand. Sighing I accept the call.
"Well I never thought I'd be hearing from you again."
"I didn't think you'd answer." She sounded tired, lost almost, maybe my absence of fame was wearing her down.
"I almost didn't, but I'm curious to hear what you have to say." I knew what this was about, it was about me seeing my father and Jared. By now I'd made my way out to his porch, sitting in the morning light in nothing but one of his shirts.
"So then I'm guessing you know why I'm calling?"
"I don't know is it my junky father or my forty six year old boyfriend." I snap.
"So I lied about your father big deal."
"Big deal! He's my dad! He's a part of me you had no right to keep him from me like that! Not when he was really a good person with a good job and a good life!"
"He thought what I was doing with you was wrong, this is what you wanted!"
"What I wanted?! This is not what I wanted! I wanted my dad! And he was right what you did to me was wrong!"
"Avery." She growls at me using that motherly tone.
"Don't call me that. You have no right to call me that."
"You're being ridiculous, I'm your mother Lillian."
"I don't care who you are, you might be the woman that birthed me, but you are not a mother. Mother's don't force their children to do something they didn't want to do. They don't give their daughters to strangers to do as they wish with her, until she can cry on cue."
"I'm tired of fighting with you over this Avery."
"I'm not. I don't want you in my life anymore."
"Avery... I didn't want to tell you this over the phone, but you leave me no choice. I'm dying, the doctors give me a month." I could hear the sorrow in her voice. "Believe me, it may not mean much now not after everything I've done to you, but I am deeply, sincerely sorry about what I've done to you. I've had nine months to think about this, to reach out to you, but I didn't know how to tell you or if you'd even hear me out. I briefly considered that you'd try and convince me to have you pay for my surgery to save me, though I knew it was a long shot. I do love you my sweet Ava and I was only doing what I thought best. I didn't realize how badly I was messing up with you until you fired me as both your manager and your mother." I knew it was stupid, that after everything I shouldn't be crying over this, but she was right, she was my mother.
"I don't forgive you, for anything, but I wouldn't wish death on you either. I'd never want anything to happen to you." Despite trying to keep my voice strong willed, I couldn't stop it from cracking.
"The one thing I regret more than anything was letting your father walk out on us, forcing him to stay away from you, lying to you about him. If he would've won you over in the custody battle, who knows, maybe you would be happier, doing what you've always wanted to do."
"I will do what I want to do, for you."
"Thank you Ava and I don't want you to forgive me, not now not ever, because I don't deserve that. I just wanted to hear your voice one last time."
"Where are you?"
"I'm not telling you that. I don't want you to remember me this way. I want you to remember me being strong willed and forceful with you. I want you to remember me as a monster, because if you saw me now...  god if you saw me now."
"Why did you do it?" I ask the tears simultaneously falling down my cheeks.
"Because my mom never pushed me to do what I wanted. She never supported me with anything I did, she was an alcoholic when my dad left us, and eventually that was all she cared about."
"I told you that I didn't want to do it."
"I know."
"Do you? Do you really know?" Another tear slips down my cheek.
"No, I guess I don't." We sit in silence for a moment before she speaks again. "I love you Ava, I'm sorry it had to end like this."
"Me too." I croak, blinking the tears away.
"Don't regret anything my sweet little Ava. Goodbye my love."
"Bye mama." I whisper softly before she hangs up the phone. I pull the phone away from my ear, sobbing like the lost child I was. No matter what she did to me, she was still my mom, I still loved her.
"Ava?" Jared comes out of the house, his hand touching my shoulder gently making me pull back. "Ava." He says in a rough, commanding voice.
"Shut up." I growl at him, wiping away the tears.
"Avery."
"Stop calling me that." I snap at him. "God, Avery, you're so fucking weak." Shaking my head before I look up at Jared. How could you let him change you?

**

It was like night and day, one phone call and she was back to being Lilly. I couldn't believe how fast she changed, how much control her mother had over her. I chose not to say anything else to her, letting her work out her temper tantrum on her own.
"Whatever, when you're done acting like you're five fucking years old come back inside." Fire ignites in her eyes.
"Fuck you! You don't know anything!" She screams.
"Of course I don't know anything! You won't tell me anything!"
"Why should I?!"
"Because!" God she made me want to rip my hair out, why can't she trust me?
"Because isn't an answer." She snarls.
"Because I love you!" I yell at her, throwing my hands in the air, huffing.
"Why?" She whispers physically and emotionally folding in on herself. She crosses her arms under her chest, folding her hands under them, her shoulders slouch slightly, her head turning toward the ground a single tear tracing the edge of her nose.
"Because, you're perfect. You're beautiful and easy to get along with, you're funny and have an amazing voice." With each quality I move closer to her. "I could listen to you talk to me all day, every day." I purr, my hand reaching out to touch her face. "And you're fucking amazing when you obey my every command, when you moan like a bitch in heat, the way your face contorts in pleasure when you come, that look you get when you're horny-"
"Stop." She laughs softly, pushing me away gently before those beautiful green eyes of hers turn to look at me again, a deep sadness hidden in those dark irises. "You don't love me." She steps back before I can reach out to touch her again. "I need space, I need a break." It was like a clear shot straight to my chest. I couldn't stop the pain from trickling down my body starting in my chest. A break? Why? When? How did this happen? How did we go from this morning to now? I couldn't form a civilized sentence, couldn't comprehend what to tell her next. So instead I didn't reply. "Don't look like that Jay. It's not permanent I promise, I don't want to leave you... I just need some time. To figure something out. On my own."
"Will you at least tell me what it is?"
"No, because if I do you're going to want to help me and I don't want that. I'm going to do this on my own." She says in a determined voice.
"What were you talking about with your mom?" I ask curiously. I didn't want to say goodbye to hero didn't want this to be the end of us, of this, not so soon.
"Jay." She says softly, stepping half a step closer. "I'm not leaving you. I'm going to be with you, just not beside you. We're still going to be this, us, just over the phone." I didn't want that, but I knew what she meant, what she wanted and I had to respect that, I had to trust her and be faithful.
"Okay." I say softly, nodding my agreement."
"I wouldn't have done this without you. I honestly wouldn't have been able to talk to my mom like I did without you. Thank you." Her hand gently brushes over my cheek. "But keep your confession, just a little longer." Gently her lips meet mine. "I'll have Felix being you your car and I'll call you tonight."
"You're leaving, now?"
"I'm sorry, but I have to do this Jay. Please, I'll call you tonight. I promise." Smiling she gets in her car and takes off. I couldn't tell if I was proud of what she's doing or if I'm heartbroken to see her go. I guess the best guess was just a little bit of both. I suddenly couldn't wait to hear from her tonight, to hear the enthusiasm in her voice when she calls and tells me how her day went doing whatever it is she's going to do. Smiling bittersweetly I go back into the house where I'd proceed to tell my mother and Shannon that something came up and Ava had to leave and I know they'll be okay with that.