The Human Psychiatry

Introduction

I'm chatting with my friend Patrick, and he's telling me about a girl he recently went to dinner with. He says she's hot, and that she's been texting him a lot-but what should he text back?

I ask him about the content of her texts: Are they flirty? Does she want to see him again? Do they involve sexy selfies?

"Not really," he replies. "She says she's bored."

My alarm bells start going off. "Don't engage!" I practically yell. "She's trying to friend-zone you!"

He's confused, so I explain: "Girls text their friends and boyfriends when they're bored. You're not really her friend, and you're not her boyfriend ... yet. But if you do boyfriend things, like cure her boredom or listen to all her problems, she'll realize that she can have a sweet, boyfriend-y relationship without actually having a boyfriend, and that's just bad news for you."

My explanation isn't very eloquent, but my point is clear-and Patrick, like most guys, wants to avoid the friend zone at all costs. But the beginning of a relationship can be tricky, according to psychotherapist Vinita Mehta, Ph.D.. "It's easy to cross signals, including whether someone is just a friend or wants to pursue something more," Mehta says.

Still, there are steps you can take to make sure your signals are clear-and that you don't fall into her friend zone trap. Here are four mistakes guys make that land them in the friend zone almost instantly, and how to avoid them.