I'm Not Fine

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by 5SOS_Giggles

by 5SOS_Giggles

Michael's POV

It'd been two days since they put Ashton into a controlled a coma. And they have been two of the worst days of my life. I only get to see him for 3-5 hours a day -that isn't that bad of time, but I wish it was more, or that I could stay with him. I go and spend time with him everyday after school, Luke or Hanna drops me off, sometimes staying for a couple of hours.

I found out that my mom passed away yesterday, I couldn't stop crying. Apparently her last words had been that she loved me and wished that she had been a better mom. My dad comforted me for hours, shedding a few tears himself, because deep down he still loved and cared about my mom in some way. That day, I told Ashton about why I hadn't seen him for a couple of days, even when I knew that he was sleeping and couldn't hear me. I just had to talk to him, even if he wasn't listening.

I sing to Ashton all of the time, I knew that he liked when I sang, so maybe it was going to help him wake up. I've written a couple of songs, and today I was going to show Ash a new one.

"Hey Ash, I'm back like always. I miss seeing your smile, hearing your voice and laugh." I sit down next to him, taking his hand in mine and kissing it. "I wrote another song. With some help from Luke and Calum, I hope you like it." I pick up my guitar from it's case and put the strap around me.

I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted
And even though your friends tell me you’re doing fine
And you’re somewhere feeling lonely even though he’s right beside you
When he says those words that hurt you do you read the ones I wrote you?

Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

‘Cause I’m not fine at all

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the makeup running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn’t need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape
‘Cause I’m not fine at all

The pictures that you sent me they’re still living in my phone
I admit I like to see them, I admit I feel alone
All my friends keep asking why I’m not around
It hurts to know you’re happy and to face that you’ve moved on
It’s hard to hear your name when I haven’t seen you in so long

It’s like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

‘Cause I’m not fine at all

If today I woke up with you right beside me
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
I’d hold you closer than I ever did before
And you’d never slip away
And you’d never hear me say

I wasn't fine. I wouldn't be fine until Ashton was awake and smiling. I take Ashton's hand again, leaning my forehead on it. I never thought that I get so hooked on someone. I never thought that I could love someone so easily. I never thought that I'd be in love with Ashton Irwin and that he'd love me back. We were so broken apart, together, we might have still looked broken, but we felt perfect when together.

"I love you, Ashton, I wish you were wake to hear this. I wish that we were fine. I wish that we were perfect, not hiding our love." I hold my breath, knowing that saying this last thing was stupid. I needed to stop thinking about it, but I couldn't. "I wish that we weren't Jail Bait together Ash."

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So not the most amazing chapter. I just felt bad because I was going to be leaving you guys with nothing for a while. Well not really. Because I've been writing a shit ton and not doing my finals projects. Mikey came up with the idea for this chapter and we knew it didn't need to be long, so there it was. Praying that you guys like it.

Also, after like a month or so, we finally updated The Drummer! So happy that we finally made it there. I'll try to write as much as I can for everything else this next week.

Alright I know this is something that I normally wouldn't ask (and as you can see we've stopped asking for goals because you guys meet them way too fast) but do you all think that you could go and check out my main account? @SweaterWeatherMusic I've got this Bromance Song One Shot book and it's a little bit of a hit, and I've got a lot of one shots written. It'd mean a lot of you guys could go and check it out, because you're someone of the best readers that I've ever seen.

I'll leave now. Thank guys!