Night Time Talks with Luna

Lost.

I lost you through a phone call.

Not even your voice across the line.

3am and that's when it all went down.

3am and that when I found out.

Falling through my hands, like the tears you gave me.

Falling through the cracks, never to be seen.

One day, I was scrolling through my contacts. 

When your name popped up and thats when I hit it.

Ring~

1, 2, 3, 4...

Ring~

1, 2, 3, 4...

Ring~

The number you have dialed is out of service----- Beep~beep~beep.

I never wanted to believe it. 

To have such a harsh past. Seems like a sad story so you can earn all the sympathy. I'm not pathetic, I'm not a stand in! You have to see that is not some sort of game. My life is a story and I'm the main character. You were too and your book ended to soon. 

Kill me, sue me, please just do something! Distract me from the pain. I'm cracking under the pressure. The very next day I saw them and didn't even tell them.

You were the only one I was ever close to and yet you were so far away. I didn't even get to see you on your funeral day.

My tear streaked eyes never gave it away. I didn't want to be known as the newfound orphan girl going underway. My life was a mess and I was falling apart. Always wondered how it felt to leave a mark.

My hands started shaking when I held the knife for dinner. Guess this makes me a sinner, pointing it towards myself, to play around. Never thought one day I'd couldn't stand my ground. Never thought one day I'd actually stab myself. Never thought I'd ever see myself crying, breaking, bleeding from the heart. Could you ever save me, cuz' that's not even the hard part.

I wanted this to be goodbye, but I couldn't even bring myself to die. Not hearing your voice for the rest of my life would be the hardest thing to endure, but could you grant me one last wish? Could I live with the people who saved me? So that one day I could give them a gift. I want to work hard, is that alright? Would I even be able to earn your respect, do I even have that right?

I know this was hard to watch, I feel your with me. I know you never left me. But god am I pissed. You didn't even get to see me succeed. I'll do everything in my power, I will become something greater so that I can make you proud. Even when your gone you can say my name with out letting go. Can you love me, can I love you? I miss you, I want you to come back. I want to heal any broken slat in the bridge. I don't want this to be the end. 

The fire erupted out of nowhere, but I'll hold on tight to the thing that connected me. I learned from you to never burn bridges, I learned from you to let go. I learned from you that the light could be brighter than you anticipated and I don't want to throw that away. I learned so much in such a small a small amount of time thanks to you. You've let me thrive and you let me grow. You let let me go and I should have known. Even to your last breath you taught me the harshes of this world. But even to my death bed I want you to know, I always be with you, in spirit and mind. I didn't let you go because I knew it wasn't your time. 

Ill change things the next time around, if I could even have the right of to a second chance. Do I still have to right for a second glance?