I've always loved you|Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader

♧~~~5~~~♧

WARNING: SELF HARM AND ABUSE

I walked home thinking about What Richie said. Did he really mean what he said? I mean, Richie makes a lot of jokes, so maybe he was just joking around...? But he was blushing... Do I like Richie? But I thought I liked Eddie... Gosh feelings are so confusing. Eddie looked kind of... sad when he came out of the store. I don't know, it was probably just me. When i asked him he snapped at me... Maybe I annoy Eddie. I have literally 0.1% chance of Eddie actually liking me, you know what scratch that, 0% chance.

I sigh. Maybe I should just go with Richie, I mean, I think I have a better chance with Richie then I do Eddie. "Oof" I just ran into my front door. "Oww" I whine. I guess that's what I get for not looking in front of me.

As I walk inside I rub my head, but then I realize... I'm late. "Shit, shit, shit..." I mutter under my breath. "Please don't be home, please don't be home..." I whisper. Then I hear that horrid voice. "Y/n!!! Why are you late?!" "I was out with my friends mum." I say, fear dripping through my voice.

If you haven't guessed it already... I'm about to be abused by my mom. Hopefully not to death, actually I take that back... Hopefully I do die. "Come here Y/n." She says rather calmly. But I don't move an inch, I'm to drenched in fear to move. "I SAID GET OVER HERE!" She screams.

I slowly walk over to her. I was only inches away from my mom who doesn't deserve the title of mother. Ever since my dad died, my mom started to drink... Heavily. It started off only when I left the house, or when she got angry, but it got worse and worse everyday. Until it got so bad to where not only did she only let her anger out by drinking, but by something far, far worse...

Child abuse...

And can you guess who that child is, yup, me. "Who the hell said you can hang out with friends?" She slurred, clearly drunk. "I t-thought that since i-it was the last day of s-sch-" "well you thought wrong!!" She screamed in my face, spit spraying all over my face.

"I-im sorry mum."well sorry doesn't do it Y/n, it doesn't do it at all." "Please don't hurt me, mom..." I said before I got slapped in the face with a very hard hand. She put all her power into that slap, more then she usually does.

I always have had a fear that my mom one day take it over the edge, like kill me. She does this so much to me though, I kind of just forgotten how to cry. But I do have to say, it's been awhile, like 2 months.

As I was thinking all of this, I felt let kick my legs under me, I fell on my knees in pain. Then she kicked my stomach, and I fell on the ground. "P-please, mum" I say, barely even a whisper, all the air in my lungs have left me. But she didn't stop, in fact, she kept kicking me, over and over again.

I feel something coming out... I then cough blood all over myself. Right then, she stopped. I was to out of it to even notice though. "Next time, you'll come home on time, won't you Y/n?" I couldn't get anything out, I was in to much pain. I then felt a foot on my face. "WON'T YOU Y/N?!" I nod, no words able to come out.

"Good girl." She slurs. Although I've been through so much pain, tears just won't come out. I just stare off into space, feeling like I'm almost dead. "Now get off the dirty floor! Gosh, your such a rat." She walks away. I wasn't even paying attention to the fact she just told me I was a rat, I was paying attention to how she looked at me. She looked at me as if I were dirt, or just an empty chip bag in a trash can. Am I that worthless...?

After about 10 minutes if finally got up. I walk slowly up the stairs to my bedroom. I closed the door behind me and walked into my bathroom. I look up at the mirror and see something horrible... Me.

I have blood all over my shirt, lips, and face. I even have blood on my teeth. Blood was coming from my nose. (Eleven anybody?) my hair was sticking at every direction, and to top it all off, when I lift my shirt up I see a huge bruise on my stomach. "Huh, bigger then the last one." I muttered under my breath. I get closer to the mirror and look into my eyes. Dark bags layer under my eyes, with no light shining in my eyes. No light at all... Just... Darkness.

"I'm looking more and more dead everyday..." I sighed. I then look down to open my drawer that was in my bathroom, and what I saw in there was soon gonna be my good friend... Razors.

I pick up the razor and grazed it across my finger, but not hard enough to cut. I then lowered it towards my wrist, this time hard enough to cut... I slowly cut through my wrist, watching the Crimson blood come out of the cut. Blood, I probably didn't need to lose anymore, but I didn't care. I didn't stop at one cut, i started to get violent with the sharp tool. I did it again, again, and again. After cutting three more times, I stopped and look d at the blood coming out of my wrist.

It's as if I wasn't in the world anymore. And then I snapped back into reality, and realized what was happening. I quickly opened a drawer that was underneath the other one. In this drawer there were packets of band aids. I quickly grabbed a packet, opening it up and placing a bunch of bandaids all over the cuts. I put the razor back into my drawer and walked back into my bedroom.

"I might as well take a shower..." I muttered to myself as I went over to my closet. I grabbed some overalls with a white and navy blue striped shirt. I went back into my bathroom and placed the clothing on my counter. I walked over to the shower and turned it on. I realized how painful this shower was going to be, but I didn't care to much, I've already been through so much pain, what's a little more gonna do?

Word count: 1138

Whoop whoop, an actual long chapter! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I have been writing it for the past week to be honest... So I hope it met your expectations. Love you all, and I hope you have a great day/night!!!❤️

~Kaylee🌹