please don't die

east of eden

he moved to the city after trying out the
countryside for the duration of his childhood, which was maybe when he first grew so famously brooding, a scorned child, searching for an absent father. on a sheet, in black and white, his eyes looked distant, dreaming of some faraway place, perhaps, but people now say that he looked that way because he needed glasses, in reality. searching for something to latch his vision onto, but not in a romantic way. an existence that was a comedy, and a tragedy. was he an impersonator, or were those tortured inflections real? he had a death wish either way, that much is still clear. when he went home for the last time, he sat inside a black coffin and made funny faces at the photographer. it was like he knew, aware of his sad satire of a life, futilely desperate to be taken seriously, gone before any possible apex. beauty is only skin deep: it's a coincidence, how someone can be idolized on a basis of an arrangement of bones. i think if he had lived, his life would have been quite disappointing.