No Below

Melt

"Ren?" Leela asked as I picked up the phone.
"Yes?" I asked, confused why she'd call me on a Sunday since she's religious.
"C-can you meet up, like, right now?" She mumbled.
"Uh, sure. Everything alright?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm coming.." She spoke
"c-coming over now."
"Okay." I hung up and soaked in the tub. I cleaned up and got dressed when the doorbell rang. I headed downstairs, staring at the hole I dented in the wall when I tripped. I had no clue what happened. Why was I so sick, why was I so skinny and empty? It didn't matter now. I opened the door and Leela ran in and hugged me till I fell over. "What the hell Lee--" I was cut off by the feeling of her lips in contact with mine. Cherry lips to dull lips. Soft to scratchy. Warm to cold. Kissing lips to non kissing lips. Eyes wide, dry. Her eyes, closed, tears. I scrambled backwards. "What the f--"
"I love you Ren!" She yelled. Her eyes glistened with tears and happiness. My eye twitched. I shivered. I stood up and stumbled backwards.
"Y-you're..gay?" I stuttered.
"Yes," She smiled "gay for you. Gay, gay, gay! I've been meaning to tell you that I like you." She squealed.
"A-are you high or something?" I asked. "Drunk?" She shook her head.
"Never. I wanted to be sober for this." She said, grinning, growing closer. I took a step back.

She closed the door.

Locked it.

I watched her close the blinds, grinning. She's insane. Shocked, I ran upstairs. She darted after me. I ran into the bedroom and baracaded it as quickly as I could. "Ren! Come onnn!" She squealed with joy. The door opened, tears rolled down my cheeks. She launched at me and pinned me. Hands pinned, struggling.
"Please.." I mumbled, sobbing. "Please leave me alone."
"I can't, you're so gorgeous." She whispered, smiling. Smiling at my pain and discomfort. Goose bumps prickled up me. Lips to lips, kissing. Tongue in mouth, gross. Teeth on lip, blood. Lips and teeth to neck, hickey. Lips to lips, hand released.

Lips to lips, hand rubbing my stomach. Lips to lips, up my shirt. Lips to lips, changes mind and rubs my belt. Siliva on my lips, unbutton of the shorts.

Hands to chest.

Pushing her off.

Away.

Free.

"Get away from me, get off me." I scowled. "I'm straight, not gay!" The color drained from her eyes. She held her head, sobbing, screeching.
"I-i just.." She mumbled. "I just assulted you thinking you were gay.." She began clawing at her face, biting her lip so hard it began bleeding. "I'm a monster! Assult is wrong! What is wrong with me..!" She screamed. She ran out. I curled up and cried. I never truly felt suicidal, but I felt it now. For that whole hour I spent on the floor, sobbing, bleeding, screaming, clawing at my head, I wanted to die.

Assult,

I didn't know girls could perform it too.

I stared at the unsent text message to Eli, an explanation. Why Leela did it. Because of me.

Me, she died because of me.

I plan on telling him tomorrow the truth of my knee.

The awful, piercing truth.

The one that made me wanna vomit.

The one that made me want to

s c r e a m

s o b

g i v e     u p .

The bloody
The horrid
The tearful
The vomiting
The killing truth.

Time flies faster than death at this age. It's been two weeks since we visited L e e l a . Two weeks since him and I  k i s s e d . It wasn't official if we were dating, I don't know what I want anymore.

I want him.

No, I can't. It's  E l l i o t .

Hated Elliot, just a lab partner. It wasn't meant to be. He deserves better. Prettier. He deserves that girl who glared at me during lunch. Does she like him? She can't, it's E l i . Does she though? She can't have him. He's my lab partner, m y  friend.

mine.

Mine.

M i n e .

I snuck out. Sprinted to the cab awaiting me outside. 10:42pm. She had to still be awake. I  m i s s  her. I want her to tell me what happened. The look in her eyes, looks like a ghost. All of the time when I'm not with her she's a freaking ghost. Dead eyes. Dry eyes. Red eyes. Quiet limp. At least she's able to walk without crutches now, no crutches, which I fixed to be comfortable. No restraints. No excuses.

I exit the cab, arriving at her house. A dim light, upstairs, could see it through the window. I looked around, surroundings. Then I remembered, a gift I had for her. Might as well put it to good use. I took out the stuffed teddy bear and chucked it at the window. Not loud enough for her parent's to hear but loud enough for her. I saw a shadow approach the window, then it disappeared. A click rung from the door and she appeared at the doorway, out of breath, huffing.
"Eli what the hell are you doing here?" She whispered. I could tell she wasn't angry, just confused. I kissed her to shut her up and we went upstairs. We went into her room, she locked the door. "Why are you here? It's 11:00!" She spoke quietly.
"I want to know," I stated "I want to know why Leela died. I want to know why you broke your knee. I want to know what happened, what really happened. Why won't you tell me? At this point I'm begging you. I need to know, no more  h i d i n g . I miss you, I want to know everything. Every last detail. I want to know you, every last detail. I care about you. I want y o u ."
Her eyes went blank, expressionless. Welled up with tears. Tears and emotions that had build up for god knows how long. We sat there, on the bed, s i l e n t. I pulled her into my arms, holding m y Ren close. Her mouth opened, nothing came out. I heard her swallow, hard, hurting.

"I tried to end it all."