The cruelty lies in this

Disasters And Dissapointments

Wednesday, June 6, 2013

It was a mistake, it had all been a very big mistake. They weren't ready at all.
The stage at M Countdown was a week away, and their rehearsals were going nowhere. They had been practicing for 15 hours straight for the past week, a feat that they themselves were surprised they had pulled off. It just wasn't enough.
They were exhausted. It had been days since they had started their dance routine, and the choreography, although quite difficult, wasn't a hindrance at all. The problem was how out of sync they all were with each other. It was never like this. They had practiced loads of choreography, buy had never been faced with an issue like this.
Maybe they were too tired and just needed a break.
A break from each other.

Hoseok had never felt so hopeless.
Exhausted? Obviously. He was a dancer.
Lazy? Maybe. Irritated? Hmm...only when he couldn't get the choreography right. But never hopeless.
He was disappointed; it burnt like an inferno within him and he was not too sure at whom he was more disappointed in. The members or himself?
He felt like screaming, making a fuss about their lack of motivation, wishing he could go back, to the days where he could complain about the things he didn't like to his mother. His kind and gentle mother, who would always smile sweetly, listening to her son complain for hours about a friend who wouldn't do his homework or a boy who never used to play with him when he asked.
She would never say anything, only gently running her hands through her son's hair, until he had calmed down. It had always worked. He used to melt under her hands instantly.
He still remembers how lovely his mother used to look, smiling down at him, under the light shining through the small window in the corner of his room, a scent of vanilla always lingering around her, giving away her presence.
How he missed her dearly...
He was brought back from his musings when he felt hesitant fingers carding through his hair.
Not wanting to get back up just yet, he opened one eye to see black. Someone was lying down on his right, slightly above him, just enough for a good angle to run their fingers on his hair.
Of course he knew who it was. No one knew about his moods as well as him. He may be a weird kid, always goofing around and teasing his hyungs, but always to know when to stop, when someone was in need of his laughter to cheer them up.

'Hyung..'
'Hyung..?'
'Are you day dreaming in the middle of practice?' The voice was soft, without any hint of annoyance, as he should be feeling, with an unresponsive person in front of him.
Hoseok could hear him perfectly well. He just didn't feel like answering back at the moment. He felt a movement beside him and peeked again to notice someone shifting around.
Tae must have gotten tired of him. Practicing was much better than hanging around someone drowning in self-pity. Loud shuffling around him finally got him open his eyes, the others had all crowded around him, staring down at him with half raised eyebrows. It was slightly creepy and largely hilarious to have six sets of eyes looking at him like that, especially Jin hyung, who definitely looked funny at that moment, both hands on his hips, trying to act all annoyed and failing miserably.
What they wanted from him was simple.
Easy for him to give and that much easier for them to acquire from him.
His laughter burst out through him, like a pin that pricked a balloon, making it explode. He couldn't stop, and no one made any move to do so. A few minutes had passed and he was still laughing, the others had all sat down around him, showing no signs of wanting him to stop.
He was breathing hard and fast, and his chest hurt from the exertion, but he was at truly happy.
'What do we do now leader?'
That sent a spark down his chest. Namjoon was looking directly at him, his eyes saying everything that he couldn't say aloud.
They trusted him.
Believed in him to know what to do when he himself didn't.
Never to fail him when he needed a hand to get back up, six pairs of hands always held out to him to hold onto.
It was HIM they held onto at times like these. Who was he to run away like a coward? This is what he had always wanted, what they had always wanted. What they has struggles for so long, and had finally gotten so close to achieving it. They couldn't give up now, not just because they were exhausted. It was laughable really.
Hoseok wasn't alone, not since he had joined a group called BTS. He had never been alone since then.
'Let's fly together.' Hoseok hadn't meant to say that, but it seemed to do its work better than anything else he could have said. Jimin was already on his feet, stretching. Namjoon and Jin hyung had already gone off to practice a step they were having problems in, Tae and Junkook helping their hyungs in mastering it. Yoongi yung had remained where he was, silently staring at him. 'What is it?' Yoongi just shook his head while getting up. 'Nothing. Lets get back to practice.'
Hoseok was confused at his behavior, but let it slide when practice was mentioned. They were quite behind schedule. No free time to lie around. His momentary lapse of motivation forgotten. He was walking towards the members when he felt a hand on his forearm. Yoongi was again staring at him, now with a soft thoughtful expression on his face.
'Now what is it hyung? Get if off your mind and tell me already!' Hoseok was literally poting now, and he had full reason to do so. Yoongi was chuckling slightly, again while shaking his head. Hoseok was about to turn back when Yoongi finally got around to speak, 'You know were here right? Stop relying only on yourself idiot.'
'We'll always be right here.' That being said he left Hoseok standing there, walking up to join the others, who were busy practicing, not having noticed their short conversation.
He wanted to say something, but left it for later, when they all would go back home together.
Looking at the members, smiling to himself, Hoseok knew then just how terribly lucky he had been.