Liridia

Chapter 34: Mixed Feelings

Liridia
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I was right. Well, he didn't exactly deny it. He didn't explain himself. I didn't give him a chance to explain himself.

Have I made a giant mistake?

Thoughts flit through my mind at an alarming rate, so fast I jump to the next thought without fully figuring out the answer to the question before it. I want to go back, but I've made my choice, I'll be hung, drawn and quartered for speaking such blasphemy against the King's now only son.

But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.

And I'm still mad at him for making me feel this way. He can't just say those things.

I love you. Everything about you drives me crazy.

That's terrifying. I've never felt unconditional love before, and maybe I only want to go back to feel loved again.

But love isn't real. It's just a thing people say they feel so they don't feel lonely. My father loved my mother and she killed him. I loved my mother and my father and they are both gone. Hywel can't love me.

Love is irrational.

The voices call out to me. Hywel is calling out to me. When mother took his body, he must have adopted these powers. This curse.

They whisper for me to come back, some wailing, some crying. I hear them, and I try to shove them out, but my weakened state makes the noise amplify. I take deep breaths to try to block them out, but they get louder until I can't hear my own heavy laboured breathing.

Suddenly, they silence. I sink to the floor, my knees shaking and my hands quivering.
Only one voice remains, a persistent, repeated message.

You don't understand.

My backbone shivers, and goose pimples rise on my arms and neck. I stumble to my quarters and push the door closed behind me, my breath hitching and spluttering. The voice begins to scream, and I try not to listen but it feels like it's coming from all sides.

Just listen to me.

I unsheathed my knives and grip them tightly. My knuckles turn a sickly pale within seconds and I stab them into the door. If I can't block the noise, then I'll overpower it.

I hack at the door with my knives, throwing my daggers point blank at the centre to create a right racket. It won't stop. It won't stop. It can't stop.
I clench my teeth together to withhold the scream threatening to come out.

I barely ignore the pounding of my head and the scream dying down.

"Just go to hell!" I shout at the door, now hacked to pieces, the wood barely clinging to the hinges.

I'm such a pitiful wench that I'm screaming at my tattered feelings? An army of thousands may not defeat me, but a shattered heart will?

Through the chunks of wood missing in the door, I see Aldwin peering through the holes and frowning slightly. Aldwin pushes the door open slowly to walk in, closely followed by his sister. Stubble caresses his jaw, his wild eyes looking hopeful and his slightly disheveled clothing looks as he has slept in it. He looked a mess.

"Liridia. You're up!" He exclaimed, crashing into me in a warm embrace. I can barely manage to reach my arms around him as I smile softly.

"Thank you." He whispered wholeheartedly into my tunic. The scars that spread up my neck tingled with pride. He stepped away and rubbed his eyes with the back of his sleeve and I smiled, showing my teeth.