Selfish And Jealous ✔

"Hey, I noticed something interesting."

"What is it, Kim?"

"As crazy as it might seem, Rachel and Charlotte are getting closer and closer, and it's just wow, so weird."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you remember that I told you that those two were always fighting about something?"

"Yeah, I do remember. You even said that Charlotte told you multiple times that she despises Rachel."

"Yeah, right, I said that."

"Well, what is the point you are trying to make with this?"

"My point is that their relationship is different now. God, they just got so close and so quickly. They're constantly taking pics together. They sit side by side during lunch and they always seem to be talking about things that I don't understand or don't even know about. They defend each other and they have this new complicity that I can't seem to understand. Damn it! Rachel lets Charlotte go through her phone, while me I can't even touch that damn thing! She also lets her grab her hand, which again I can't do...well not that I would have liked to take her hand, it's just that it makes me feel like - I feel like-"

"You feel like...?"

"I-I-I-don't-know."

"Kim, don't start. I'm sure that you do know. Just let it out. You know that I'm here to listen to you. Just say what you need to say, it will make you feel better."

"I can't say it."

"Why?"

"Because having those feelings makes me feel like an horrible and bad person, and I don't want to be bad. I want to be good but I just can't seem to find the right way to be a good person!"

"Dear, we already talked about this; you're a good person. Your friends and family will agree with me."

"I doubt it, I seriously doubt it."

"Please, just tell me what's bothering you. I won't judge you. I'll never judge you."

"I-..."

"Just let it out."

"I'm just...jealous...that's it. I'm jealous of the relationship that Rachel and Charlotte now share. You know that Rachel and I have been best friends for years now and no matter how much time I've denied it, I've always felt like I was more important than other people in her eyes. Sure, she and I fight a lot and we never seem to share the same opinion on any topic but despite all of that, despite all the conflicts, the tears, insults, arguments, and hateful words, we are still together and friends. I thought that we shared a special bond but now I have a feeling that Charlotte replaced me. Worst, Rachel is closer to her than she never was with me. She shares some personal things with her, things that I'm sadly no longer part of, things that I used to be the only one to know about. I feel excluded, by both of them."

"Kim, aren't you overthinking the situation again? You know that you always do that. I'm sure that your friends are not excluding, they both care for you."

"No, I know that I lost Rachel's affection, and as far as Charlotte is concerned, things are different between her and I now too. We are no longer that close. Rachel is one level above me in her eyes. I feel like Charlotte can't talk to me about certain topics but with Rachel, she can just do it right! Then, they're also the fact that she prefers to sit beside Rachel rather than beside me. She can express herself more with her and that just makes me jealous. I'm jealous that I'm not the most important person to them. I'm jealous that they're so close."

"Kim-"

"I know that I'm being selfish. It's not like they stopped talking to me, they still do, but it doesn't feel the same anymore, and I just wish that things were different. I just wish that Charlotte still disliked Rachel because at that time, things were in the way that I liked...god, I'm so bad! What an horrible person I am!"

"No, you're not an horrible person."

"I am! Isn't it obvious? I'm wishing for my friends to dislike each other so that they can only like me. I'm selfish and bad. I shouldn't be feeling like this. I shouldn't be wishing for this."

"No, Kim, it's okay. You have the right to feel like this...though, I'm positive that things are not the way you think that they are. You know, as well as I do, that Charlotte loves you and cares about you. Doesn't she always share some of her secrets with you? And about Rachel, you two have the weirdest relationship. You prove your love for each other by fighting and arguing. It's the way you do. You don't display your real affection for each other, you hide it and try to play it cool."

"No, no, no, you're wrong! My relationship with those two changed! I'm losing them! I'm losing everyone! One by one, everyone is leaving! They are all finding someone better than me, someone who can understand them better, someone who is much more worth it. Why does it always have to happen to me? For once, I just want to be the number one."

"Being number one is not the most important thing."

"Well, it is to me. I want to be the number one of someone. I thought that I succeeded to reach a place in Charlotte's and Rachel's heart that no one could take over but life proved to me once again that I'm easily replaceable. I'm just not worth it."

"You're wrong, Kim, you're just so wrong. When will you finally realize that people already love you and care for you? No one is pushing you away, you're the one distancing yourself from others with this stubbornness and insecurity of yours."

"I know, Dr. Conscience, and the saddest part is that I can't do any other way."

[WORD COUNT - 999]

Entry for Writing Contest.