Take Your Time

Chapter One - Explanation

I'm sure this is stupid, but some people are completely ignorant at my school. Yes, not just my school, but most people in the world don't understand certain things, and I'm sick of it. It's time some of you know what people go through. Maybe you see it, maybe you don't. Today, you do.

Let me start this off by saying that only one person knows this out of my friend group, Alondra. She knows and she tries her best to help, so thank you, Alondra.

No, I'm not LGBTQ. No, I don't have depression. I have social anxiety.

S-O-C-I-A-L A-N-X-I-E-T-Y.

To you, it's not that serious, but to me? It is. Most strangers think I'm shy, mute, or that I can't speak English. I can.

Also, I wasn't born with this. I didn't have this my whole life. It just kind of happened after awhile of being involved in so much hate.

It started in 6th grade. The whole year I thought I was just awkward and going through a phase because...well you know. Little did I know that wasn't the case. I went on with the year blushing around people I didn't know, nor had feelings for. I always wanted the lights off during my presentations because I didn't want people to see my face. It never worked, but I got through the year.

Then came 7th grade. In America, that's middle school. In my city, it's my first year. I was always very nervous during the car rides to school. I always had this feeling in my gut and sometimes I'd lie to my mom saying I had "bad craps" or that "I'm not feeling well" because I just simply didn't want to go. We did a presentation in English about ourselves and I messed up. I don't remember what I said, but I do remember thinking this will be in everyone's memory and they'll never forget. After that, I found out I had social anxiety. My year was great, sometimes. When I didn't have to talk to people I was forced to talk to, it was great! I did make new friends and reunited with people I used to know. That's for later though. Oh, I forgot to mention that I was forced to be in choir. Imagine that.

That brings us to now. My second and last year of middle school, 8th grade. Don't get me wrong, I did not like choir last year because I was always nervous and my hands would always get sweaty. If it was a big crowd, my face would start to get hot and blush. It also didn't help that one kid fainted at our first concert that made everyone nervous and made me feel like I could faint too. Probably a bad mistake, but I joined again! This time I actually chose to. I figured it might help me face my fears of being in front of people. So far, I've had 4 concerts and I have another next month. I still get the same things.

I let my English teacher know I had S.A. at the beginning of the year in a letter about ourselves. She handles it very well and I'm glad. Props to her. Then again, I am very quiet in her class, so no one really remembers I'm actually in that class. Which is fine because I don't want to speak anyways.

Here's more that happens. Whenever a teacher randomly calls on me and I know the answer, my heart instantly starts beating and doesn't stop until they tell me, "Yes! That's right!" Otherise, everything I've already stated happens.

Also, I remember having to do community service hours, so I went to my elementary school to help with the harvest festival in October. I got there early with my sister, and there was no one there, but I remember trying to find a booth to help at was hell. I found my friend and we both tried to find a booth, so we went in the cafeteria. There was a little bit of people,  but not too much. We walked in to find that everything in there was already taken, so we walked out and the torture began. It seemed like I was an ant and these people surrounding me were people about to step on me. My face was so red and I felt like I was about to have heat stroke. I think my friend pulled me by the arm, but then again I wasn't really conscious. Anyways, we ended up at a booth and that was that.

So, there will be more, bigger stories that will require one chapter each, and I have some in mind. Now, I hope you get the gist of this. I will only be naming the names of my friends and not the others because they don't know I'm writing this and I won't ever get around to telling them because of reasons. What I do know is that this explanation is coming to a stop. There's still more to explain, but that's for later chapters. For now go listen to the music I put up there. It'll set the mood, for now.