Lamppost on 39th Street

Chapter two

"I know you're hurting." My mother says lightly into the phone for the one-hundredth time in five minutes. "I wish you'd just let me help. It would be so much easier if you had someone to lean on every once in a while. He is gone and I am very much aware that you need time but you know that i am here no matter what, right?" I smile weakly as i remember my first fight with Jackson. My mother came into my room with this noticeable look of worry written on her face. When she asked me what happened i started sobbing and that was the end of it. We never talked about it again.

"I know mom. I just...I just see him every where. He is in my dreams, on the walls, in picture frames. The sheets still smell like him. I'm going crazy. Its been five months and i still can't think without thoughts of him invading me every second, like maybe if i stare and think long enough he might materialize in front of me." I feel a tear stream down my face and i don't even bother to swipe it away. More tears dare to escape as an overwhelming amount of feelings bubble to the surface. "Look, i am actually going out with Ashley tonight." i say abruptly, knowing it's a lie. "She's dragging me to some crazy nightclub. Don't worry mom. I have plans. I'm fine. I promise." 

"Okay honey. Just call me in the morning." 

"Mom? Can I ask a question?"

"Sure honey, anything."

"How did you get over dad when he died?"

"Well, that's a hard question. I guess i didn't. It never seemed vital because i knew i would never have to fully let him go. He was the love of my life and i would never be with anyone else. However, i'm not saying you should do the same. It is still early since the accident but you should still think about going out soon."

I think about that statement for a while. Move on? I never thought i'd have to. I always thought Jackson would be around to say he loves me every day but now i have to think about somebody else saying it.

"Thanks mom. I talk to you tomorrow. I love you."

I set the phone back down on the counter feeling exhausted. Talking to my mom is great and all but she always seems to bring up the most painful memories every time we talk. It's strange to think that i will ever be okay again. It just seems so far away. I finish off my eggs and set the bowl in the sink. As i turn to head into the bedroom to shower, a knock sounds at my door.

As i walk to the door i ask "Who is it?" A slightly muffled voice comes from behind the door. Ashley. I walk over and undo the locks and latches on the old apartment door and open it. She shoves past me into the living room and looks at me pointedly.

"So you wanna do what now? Your mom called me and i had to lie to her. What is going on?" She asks me in an angry tone.